Dublin Jerome High School in Dublin, Ohio, has named 72 valedictorians.
We can stop now.
The commencements have commenced.
Happy graduation, valedictorians!
And to the scattering of high school seniors who aren’t!
A white student and a black student overheard joking briefly about racism during a party at Lewis & Clark College were investigated by administrators and informed it was necessary to “correct your behavior” with “bias reduction and bystander intervention training,” and can it be only 28 days until George Orwell’s 111th birthday?
President Obama in a statement about Iraq and Afghanistan:
“When I took office, we had nearly 180,000 troops in harm’s way. By the end of this year, we will have less than 10,000.”
R.S., a Chicago reader, wants to remind the president that “few ” is for quantities that can be counted and “less” is for quantities that can’t be counted.
Which becomes more complicated when referring to soldiers and sailors who have become veterans in need of medical care.
At which point they no longer seem to count.
More or less.
WRITE TO QT: firstname.lastname@example.org
News Headline: “CNN pulls doomsday story about asteroid on collision course with Earth.”
All a mistake.
Unlike Asteroid 2014 KC45, which was discovered yesterday shortly after it passed within 50,000 miles of us.
But it was a smallish asteroid, and if it had hit, say, Palm Beach, Fla., it would have caused a crater no larger than Rush Limbaugh’s estate and beachfront.
So there is something to be said for asteroids.
News Headline: “Crocodile injured by falling accountant during circus bus accident in Russia.”
Jack Finarelli, a Falls Church, Va., reader, reminds us that these things happen in threes.
News Headline: “Judge who ended probe of Koch activities in WI regularly attends Koch-funded junkets.”
The system works.
News Headline: “Kim Kardashian and Kanye West’s epic wedding.”
Add epics to the list of things that aren’t what they used to be.
News Headline: “Obama: ‘Afghanistan will not be a perfect place.’ ”
But understatement is alive and well.
A man who robbed a doughnut shop in Louisville, Ky., the second time in a week failed to wear a mask the second time and was recognized as a co-worker at the shop, police said.
Edmond North High School in Edmond, Okla., has named 44 valedictorians.
Forty-one are listed “with distinction.”
A call was placed.
“Edmond North High School.”
Many of your valedictorians are listed “with distinction.” What does that mean?
“It means they’ve taken five advanced placement courses.”
Or put it another way.
It is now possible to be a valedictorian without distinction.
News Headline: “Pakistani woman stoned to death for choosing her own husband in ‘honor killing.’ ”
Keep this in mind the next time anyone, for any reason, brings up the subject of “traditional family values.”