Unindicted co-conspirators in the news


News Headline:
“Big-name Trump supporters push for Robert Mueller to be fired.”
Nobody knew obstructing justice could be so complicated.

In other news. . . .


News Headline: “While Comey was calling Trump a liar, Trump was quoting the Bible.”
But President Trump didn’t have time to quote Proverbs:

These six things doth the LORD hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him:
A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood,
A heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief,
A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren.

Or Ecclisiastes:

Woe to thee, O land, when thy king is a child. . . .

Gaudeamus igitur

News Item: “. . . hallways filled with. . . 5,000 balloons. . . .”
News Item: “. . . sex dolls, water balloons and stink bombs. . . .”
News Item: “. . . syrup spread on floors, a fire extinguisher went off and someone also pulled the fire alarm, causing the sprinkler system to go off. . . .”
Happy graduation!

Down the drain


News Headline: “Park Service to drain Lincoln Reflecting Pool.”
Officials say it is maintenance work.
Or have we finally confirmed what President Trump means when he refers to “the swamp”?

QT news you can use


The Sub-Bureau for Rapid Service and Predictions of Earth Orientation of the International Earth Rotation Service has announced there will be no leap second added to civil time at midnight June 30.
Plan accordingly.

A republic, if you can keep it


News Headline: “James Comey calls Donald Trump a liar 5 times today.”
In other news, one study puts Trump’s presidential lying rate  at 4.9 a day..
So at least we’re keeping pace.

QT Summer Travel Advisory


Forty-seven days remain until the Aadi Festival in Mahadanapuram, India, during which a temple priest breaks coconuts over the heads of followers.
There are unconfirmed reports that the accompanying chant is “Build the wall! Build the wall!”

Frontiers of science


News Headline:
“Drinking tequila can lead to weight loss: study.”
Keep up the good work, researchers!.
News Headline: “Journalists drink too much, are bad at managing emotions and operate at lower level than average, according to study.”
We reserve the right to review your grant applications, researchers.

The shining locker-room upon a hill


News Headline: “Searching for Trump’s soul.”
Have we tried the safe-deposit boxes at Vnesheconombank?

This just in. . . .


News Headline: “You can now get Wi-Fi connectivity on Mount Everest.”
Add remote and mysterious grandeur to the list of things that aren’t what they used to be.