QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language

T.F., a Luxemburg, Wis., reader, writes:
“When did actresses become actors? And is it only a matter of time before seamstresses become seamsters, and princesses become princes?”
Yes.
QT can’t begin to countess the number of times these distinctions have been lost. . . .

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There’s always Benghazi

News Headline: “Jindal: Obama is worst president in history.”
News Headline: “Obama is on trend to leave a budget surplus.”
See? He can’t even maintain a simple deficit.

Rabbit, run

Easter Bunny
News Headline: “Michigan man accused of fondling Easter Bunny.”
Hippity, hoppity, Easter’s on it’s way.

Currency events

News Headline: “Sheldon Adelson spent  $93 million on 2012 election.”
News Headline:
“Bloomberg to spend $50 million to challenge NRA on gun safety.”
As the Supreme Court says, money is a form of free speech.
And aren’t there always a few loudmouths in any group?

QT is back! Sort of!

QT is back–in a new format.
No longer will you see collections of items on Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
Now each item will be published as it written through the week.
Check in when the mood strikes you at zaysmith.com
Or you can arrange Twitter alerts at @ZaySmithQT.
And remember the QT motto.
QT: Always Ready with the Breaking News.
Unless It Is Binge-Watching “Deadwood.”

On Vacation

QT will resume April 16.

The buyer’s market

Money

 

News Headline: “Democrats funded by billionaires complain about Republicans funded by billionaires.”
And who says bipartisanship is dead?

News Headline: “Candidate passes kidney stone during campaign debate.”
So at least one politician now understands how voters feel.

News Headline: “How negativity can make you happier.”
Not likely.

News Item: “Editors at the American Scholar magazine have chosen their 10 favorite sentences from fiction and nonfiction works. . . .”
And inexplicably left out this from Raymond Chandler:
“It was a blonde. A blonde to make a bishop kick out a stain-glassed window.”
OK. So it’s not quite exactly a sentence.
So try this:
“She gave me a smile I could feel in my hip pocket.”
Raymond Chandler was a compelling writer.

News Headline: “Shots fired at Ukrainian air force base in Crimea blocked by Russians.”
Maybe it’s best to stick with diplomacy if bullets bounce off them.

News Headline: “Does welfare make people lazy?”
News Headline: “Is homework making your child sick?”
News Headline: “Is the Internet making politics more dysfunctional?”
News Headline: “Can fear of cancer keep college kids from binge drinking?”
No, no, yes, no.
See how easy?

QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language:
News Item: “. . . suffered a spinal-chord injury. . . .”
News Item: “. . . and cut the baby’s umbilical chord. . . .”
B.P., a Chicago reader, says all we need is a good drummer, and we can make some real music.

Merrily we roll along


Russian Threat
News Headline:
 
“Obama says he’s more worried about the possibility of ‘nuclear bomb going off in Manhattan’ than Russian threat.”
This being what passes for a reassurance these days.

News Headline: “Launch of secret spy satellite delayed.”
The U.S. National Reconnaissance Office may want to revisit the concept of “secret.”

News Headline: “Five percent of people have checked Facebook during sex, says survey.”
Status: Out of a Relationship.

The Case for Zero Tolerance of Modern School Administrators:
A 9-year-old girl who, with her parents’ permission, shaved her head in support of a friend who had lost her hair to childhood cancer was suspended by Caprock Academy in Colorado because her shaved head was in violation of the school’s “detailed dress code policy.”

News Headline: “Montgomery County carjacking linked to airline disappearance in Asia.”
Nice try, headline writer.

News Headline: “Naked man tells police he’s making tree ‘his home’ after climbing 40 feet up.”
As reasonable response as any to the news of the day.

QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language:
News Headline: “Resistance is futile: The AP will now accept ‘over’ as a synonym for ‘more than.’ ”
Sorry, Associated Press.
QT used to love you, but it’s all more than now.


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QT appears Monday, Wednesday and Friday

 


TL;DR

Twitter
News Item:
“Twitter CEO Dick Costolo is to meet Shanghai government officials, academics and students in his first visit to China, signaling Twitter’s i–”
Sorry.
Not  enough characters allowed to complete a thought. . . .

News Item: “. . . from a museum that says humans co-existed with dinosaurs. . . .”
Or should we dismiss creationist theory so quickly?.
We sometimes forget it was subject to peer review by both Fred and Wilma.

The Case for Zero Tolerance of Modern School Administrators:
A senior at Ashtabula Technical High School in Ohio was expelled because a folding knife issued for his training as an emergency medical technician was found in an EMT medical vest in the trunk of his car.

News Headline: “Paris Hilton celebrates St. Patrick’s day in a plunging green dress.”
Can it be 2,462 days since Paris Hilton announced she was leaving public life?
Not that anyone is counting.

QT Early Warning System:
Twelve days remain until National Stress Awareness Month.
Have you been preparing for it?
Time is running out.

QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language:
News Headline: “A new window on the Big Bang has been opened.”
News Headline: “Big Bang’s smoking gun found.”
News Headline: “Scientists see fingerprint of Big Bang.”
Then again, after 13.8 billion years, we still can’t agree on a metaphor.


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This can be
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QT appears Monday, Wednesday and Friday

When we don’t have a prayer

God


News Headline:
“Bill Maher on Noah: God was a ‘psychotic mass murderer.’ ”
Let’s not go overboard here.
Considering the Old Testament, more like a case of narcissistic sociopathy.

News Headline: “Collapse of civilization is coming–NASA study.”
Not a study to worry us.
Hey. It’s not as if we’re dealing with rocket scientists here.

News Headline: “Congressman estimates ‘5 or 10’ members of Congress smoke weed.”
News Headline: “House GOP holds 51st anti-Obamacare vote.”
Figure the weed-smokers are Democrats.
Republicans seem to prefer crystal meth.

C.T., a Chicago reader, writes:
“A week ago last Friday you told us that as far as asteroids were concerned, ‘nothing is coming near us this weekend.’ Then you added, ‘that we know of.’  Then on Friday you told us Asteroid 2014 EX24 came between Earth and the moon that weekend only to be discovered three days later. Then you told us nothing was coming near us this weekend ‘that we know of.’ Well? Did anything come near us this weekend?”
Not that we know of.

News Headline: “Suicide bomber misfires while parking, kills only himself.”
What kind of times do we live in?
Hope you enjoyed Today’s Chuckle.

QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language:
M.B., a Chicago reader, having seen an Internet posting that referred to itself as the start of a “collective constructive exchange,” wants to know when chain letters became collective constructive exchanges, and when can we have chain letters back?
Good question.
Pass it on.

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Write to QT at zaysmith.qt@gmail.com

QT appears Monday, Wednesday and Friday