Help Wanted

Congress
News Headline: “India employs men in ape suits to drive away Parliament’s monkeys.”
A technique we might consider when Congress returns from recess.

This just in from the social media

Ebola Arrival
News Headline: “Atlanta hospital receives hate mail for treating aid workers struck by the Ebola virus.”
As the search continues for any activity anywhere that doesn’t attract enraged e-mails from somewhere.

In this dusty world. . . .

Kent Brantly
News Item: “U.S. Ebola doctor gives only available serum to fellow patient.”
Spare a thought or two for Dr. Kent Brantly when next you have doubts the human race might be worth saving.

QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language

SpiderMichele Bachmann

N.F., a Chicago reader, regarding an item that noted Michele Bachmann was now theorizing that President Obama planned medical experimentation on child refugees, writes:
“You wrote that some spiders are more ‘poisonous’ than others. A toxin injected with a bite is ‘venom.’ Spiders are venomous, not poisonous.”
You are correct.
QT regrets the error.
Spiders are venomous.
Michele Bachmann is poisonous.

WRITE TO QT:  qt@zaysmith.com

From Poor QT’s Almanack

August Calendar
Today’s Birthdays: Claudius, 2,024;  Coolio, 51.

From the QT news ticker

News TickerNews Headline: “Thieves in Houston make off with hair extensions.”
Police are combing the area.
News Headline: “Two portable toilets destroyed by arson in Rockland area.”
Investigators say they have nothing to go on.
News Headline: “Another massive hole opens in Siberia.”
Scientists are looking into it.
News Headline: “GOP House candidate Bob Frey believes dinosaurs live with humans.”
Sometimes the news is too sad for jokes.

Scientific measurements

Michele Bachmann
News Headline: “Mapping the spider genome: Surprising similarities to humans.”
News Headline: “Michele Bachmann: Obama wants to use child immigrants for medical experiments.”
And some spiders are more poisonous than others.

QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language

Pig
News Item:
“. . . Officials in Oakland closed the trail after the runaway pig scared two children walking on it between Messalonskee middle and high schools. . . .”
Katherine Rylaarsdam, a Baltimore reader, writes:
“What in the world were the children doing walking on a pig?”
And  F.T., a Seattle reader, writes:
“This isn’t about our forest fires. But especially this week, everywhere I look in the news, there are firestorms. Political firestorms. Social media firestorms. Diplomatic firestorms. . . . ”
Not to worry.
A flood of criticism should put them out.
Maybe with the help of an avalanche of protest.

WRITE TO QT:  qt@zaysmith.com

She pulled the gun between 1 p.m. and 4 p.m.

Comcast
News Headline:
“New Mexico woman allegedly pulls gun on Comcast worker over cable fees.”
The trick for prosecutors will be finding a jury that would convict her.

QT Worldwide Man-Bites-Dog Pinpoint Locator

Buddy 5
There have been no reports of a man biting a dog so far during the dog days of summer, but police in Ohio County, W.Va., questioned a woman Tuesday after she was reported walking a naked man on a leash.
This is the 27th dog day of summer.
There are 13 dog days to go.