Regarding lizard sex satellites

Russian SatelliteNews Headline: “There is a lizard sex satellite floating in space, and Russia no longer has it under control.”
A reminder that these things happen in threes.

Modern education + the criminal mind =

A woman in Enid, Okla., called the police to report that her dealer had sold her impure meth, police said.

And the tweets keep coming

Hamas RocketsNews Headline: “More celebs weigh in on Gaza.”
Be patient.. Give us a couple of more days, and we’ll have this completely trivialized.

QT Worldwide Man-Bites-Dog Pinpoint Locator

Buddy 5There have been no reports of a man biting a dog during the first 22 dog days of summer, but a woman was arrested on the 20th dog day for biting a tow-truck driver in Spartanburg, S.C.
This is the 22nd dog day of summer.
There are 18 dog days to go.

Today’s offer


News Item: “Wal-Mart Stores Inc. replaced its U.S. head Bill Simon . . . year of sluggish sales. . . will receive a severance package of about $4.5 million. . . .”
QT renews its offer:
Put QT in charge of your corporation.
QT will run it into the ground in only six months, guaranteed.
And it will charge only $1 million.
Why are there no takers?

QT Summer Travel Advisory

D-DayJim Gilchrist, a founder of the Minuteman Project, on plans to stop illegal immigration at the Mexican border:
“If you are familiar with the Normandy invasion of France in 1944, then you have an idea how large and logistically complicated this event will be.”
So we should be prepared to see at least five divisions of soldiers and artillery behind thousands of fortifications and mines against 150,000 immigrants and refugee children in 4,000 landing craft supported  by 1,200 warships.
Not to mention thousands of airborne immigrants parachuting behind our lines.
Summer tourists may want to avoid Texas for a while.

QT Rules of Etiquette for Guys and Dolls

Kissing Hand

J.L., a Chicago reader, writes:
“I remember when you informed us that a man should never kiss a woman’s hand, but only the air above her hand. Didn’t know that. Now I learn that a man should never do even that to an unmarried woman’s hand. Anything else I should know?”
Always try to avoid sneezing.
As long as we’re at it, a reminder that the proper closing of a letter to the pope is:
“Prostrate at the feet of Your Holiness and imploring the favor of its apostolic benediction, I have the honor to be, Very Holy Father, with the deepest veneration of Your Holiness, the most humble and most obedient servant and son/daughter.”
Which is why the pope gets so few postcards.


QT Worldwide Man-Bites-Dog Pinpoint Locator

Buddy 5

There have been no reports  of a man biting a dog, but researchers now report that elephants have a better sense of smell than dogs, which suggests that the War on Drugs might be enlivened considerably with teams of drug-sniffing elephants.
This is the 20th dog day of summer.
There are 20 dog days to go.

Modern education + the criminal mind =

A woman in West Frankfort. Ill, stole a dress from a local store and liked it so much she modeled it on Facebook, police said.

Staying the course

Birther Billboard

News Item: “. . . Nearly a quarter of all those polled revealed that they agree with the assertion that Obama is not an American citizen. . . .”
Always try to look on the bright side.
Three out of four people you see on the street aren’t nitwits.