Lest we forget that the Dark Ages were a faith-based initiative

Storm Cell

News Headline: “GOP Science Committee chair begins hearing by saying scientific climate change consensus has been ‘debunked.’ ”
Keeping in mind that nine members of the House Science Committee belong to the House Prayer Caucus, which has been known to pray for rain.

From the annals of the Federal Bureau of Police Squad

Secret Service Sarcasm

News Headline: “Secret Service has new software that detects sarcasm on the Internet.”
Still working on subtle irony.

We’ll always have Paris

Paris Hilton

News Headine: “The partying life is tough! Paris Hilton recharges her batteries heading to healing center after Cannes Film Festival.”
Can it be 2,538 days since Paris Hilton announced she was leaving public life?
Not that anyone is counting.

In other consumer news. . . .

Fox News

News Headline: “More Americans trust Fox News.”
News Headline: “Man orders penis enlarger, gets magnifying glass instead.”
The two stories seemed to go together, for some reason.

QT Early Warning System

Gun Range

News Headline: “Oklahoma City gun range gets liquor license.”
As we add to the Oklahoma City chapter in  QT’s Travel Guide to U.S. Cities You’ll Want to Stay Out of  for Any Number of Reasons.

QT Yellowstone Caldera (the eruptions of which can be violent enough to send a layer of ash six feet deep as far away as Chicago and which erupts every 600,000 or so years and last erupted 640,000 years ago) update

Yellowstone Caldera

Scientists report that the magma beneath Yellowstone is “potentially more stable” than previously thought.
But it “remains unclear” how this might be affected by “lateral variations in porosity, permeability, temperature and rheology.”
Which isn’t to mention that the entire area has risen nearly an inch since the start of the year.
So we won’t mention it.

Bank on it

Wall Street

News Headline: “Los Angeles sues JPMorgan over ‘predatory loans.’ ”
Keeping mind that corporations are people, too.
And some people are muggers.

When May and June arrive

Graduation Ceremony

News Headline: “Students place goat on school roof.”
News Headline: “Students release hundreds of crickets in school.”
News Headline: “Ann Arbor students list their high school for sale on Craigslist.”
Happy Graduation!

Only 34 days till the dog days of summer

News Headline: “Why does ‘terrible’ mean bad and ‘terrific’ mean good?”
News Headline: “Why don’t octopuses get stuck to themselves?”
Sometimes, when the news slows down, reporters get to thinking. . . .

Duty, Honor, Country, not

Dick Cheney

News Headline: “Cheney calls Obama the ‘weakest’ president of his lifetime.”
For some reason, QT just now thought of Calvin Trillin’s reminder that dodgers of military risk who are eager to send others to war shouldn’t be called chicken hawks:
“A chicken hawk, which exists in nature, is a hawk that preys on chickens, not a hawk that acts like a chicken.”
Trillin suggests sissy hawks.
QT just thought of that, for some reason.