Don’t worry, he’ll be right behind you

Ted Nugent

Ted Nugent  regarding his political plans:
“We are again rolling up our sleeves and fighting like never before to take back this country from the bloodsuckers and scammers. . . .”
We should listen to Nugent here.
As an armchair warrior who dodged the draft,  he is expert at  never having fought before.

QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language

Peak and Valley

Martin Tangora, a Chicago reader, regarding QT’s reference to a “sneak peak” of “Sharknado 2,” writes.
“Shouldn’t it have been ‘sneak peek’?”
Thank you.
An unfortunate typo has been corrected.
And we learn again that life has its piques and valleys.


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QT Worldwide Man-Bites-Dog Pinpoint Locator


Buddy 5

There have been no reports so far this summer of a man biting a dog.
But a man arrested last week for drunken driving near Butler’s Crossing, Ga., told police his dog had been at the wheel.
Today is the fifth dog day of summer.
There are 35 dog days to go.

A shrewd Kenyan

Wall Street

News Headline: “Rand Paul: Obama turning U.S. into ‘socialist nightmare.’ ”
News Headline: “Dow closes above 17,000 for first time.”
News Headline: “U.S. seen as biggest oil producer after overtaking Saudi Arabia.”
Think about it.
If you were a president intent on turning the U.S. into a socialist nightmare, what better way to keep anyone from noticing?
Talk about cagey.

Watching over us


A man from Lomita, Calif., after escaping a shark attack with minor injuries:
“I’m very thankful God was on my side, protecting me. I truly believe God was my savior.”
It was one of God’s sharks, of course, that attacked the man.
But God has to pass the time somehow until “Sharknado 2.”

Greetings and facilitations

Guns and Bullets

News Headline: “60 shot, 11 killed in Chicago 4th of July weekend shootings.”
Happy Independence Day from the National Rifle Association!

Coming soon to a flooded subway near you

Sharknado 2

News Headline: ” ‘Sharknado 2’ sneak peek.”
Twenty-three days to go.
Not that QT is counting.
News Headline: “Woolly mammoth to be cloned, then joined with elephant DNA to create new
And can “DNApocalypse!” be far behind?

From Poor QT’s Almanack

Declaration of Independcance

On this day in 1776,  the Continental Congress voted for indepe–
Wait. That was July 2.
On this day in 1776, two days after voting for independence, the Continental Congress met for the formal signing of the Decla–
Wait. Only John Hancock, the president of Congress, and Charles Thompson, the secretary, signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4.
The entire Continental Congress didn’t sign it until August 2.
And Thomas McKean of Delaware didn’t sign it until 1781.
Happy Fourth of July!

A few words for the Fourth of July

Louis L'Amour

News Headline: “Americans worry for future of U.S.”
The headline above was published nearly a half century ago.
Headlines like that go all the way back, in fact.
Or as the late Louis L’Amour, writer of frontier novels, once told QT:
“We Americans love to view things with alarm. But if you look back, you see that life was always hard. It was never easy. And we got through it all, and we’ll get through this, too.”
A few words to remember as we set off the fireworks on the Fourth of July.

QT Guide to Fourth of July Fireworks (Giving Us All a Chance to Seem Surprisingly Knowledgeable to Our Friends at the Fireworks Show)


Chrysanthemums. Stars that burst from a central core .
Diadems. Ejected strips or disks that flicker brightly as they fall.
Hummers. Small tubes that spin and create a humming or screaming sound.
Turbillons. Ignited shells that spin like a top when they rise.
Strobes. Clusters of flashing, silvery lights that appear to float slowly the ground.
Salutes. The big booms that end most shows.
Now all you have to do is lean over at some point during the show and say:
“Wow. Wasn’t that a hummer?”