QT Early Warning System

Man Shot

News Headline: “Two men shot in buttocks in separate incidents in Baltimore.”
P.B., a Bethesda, Md., reader, writes:
“Can’t be a coincidence.”
In fact, these two shootings follow a Baltimore buttocks shooting two weeks earlier.
And this just in:
News Headline: “Tulsa man shot in buttocks.”
Be on the lookout.

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Don’t you see it?

President Obama
News Headline: “Tea Party congressman: Holder’s resignation a way to distract from the horrors of Obamacare.”
We already know from the Tea Party that President Obama has used Obamacare to distract from the IRS, the IRS to distract from Benghazi, Benghazi to distract from the IRS, and now, going full circle, Eric Holder to distract from Obamacare.
What will this alien trickster try next?

Guns don’t kill shoppers. . . .

No Guns
News Headline: “Gun store owner starts Facebook page to list, boycott anti-gun businesses.”
Finally, a  list of places where it is safe to shop.

On the agenda

Values Voter Summit
News Headline: “Multi-tasking makes your brain smaller.”
News Headline: “What to expect at the 2014 Values Voter Summit.”

And fries with that

Chicken Marsala
News Headline: “Chicken at Food Safety Summit sickens 216 attendees.”
A renewed warning that outbreaks of irony can occur at any time or place, without warning.

Everyone needs an occasional break

Computer Keyboard
News Headline: “Congressman seeks to ban feds from watching porn while at work.”
We might cut the federal workers some slack.
What harm is there in a few minutes of C-SPAN?

Breaking news. . . .

Ronan Farrow
Ronan Farrow announcing an upcoming segment on MSNBC:
“. . . Up next, a lot else happening today, including shocking video that you’ve gotta to see if you haven’t already. It’s a state trooper shooting an unarmed man in. . . .”
Note to colleagues at cable TV news:
Could we at least pretend not to gawk?

Crime does sometimes pay

Barack Obama, Eric Holder
News Headline: “Eric Holder to step down as attorney general.”
News Headline: “Why are no Wall Street executives in jail?”
As long as we are on the subject of legacies. . . .

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A republic, if you can keep it

Ben Franklin
One in three people you see on the street can’t name any of the three branches of the U.S. government, according to a recent survey.

QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language

News Headline: “Texas nurse assistant may have exposed tuberculosis to 750 infants.”
K.R., a Baltimore reader, writes:
“However, at last report the tuberculosis was fine.”

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