Frontiers of science

News Headline: “Ocean animals can absorb billions of plastic particles in just hours.”
For those interested in the most important news story this week that no one is paying attention to.

QT 2020 vote count countdown update

News Headline: “Apple CEO Tim Cook to white supremacists: ‘You have no place on our platforms.’ ”
Bad news for white supremacists.
They’ll have to make do with the Republican Platform.

22 days until Christmas

News Headline:
“8 holiday scams to watch out for this season.”
News Headline:“Just stop with the Christmas music.”
Ho, Ho, Ho!
And Happy Hanukkah!

Seven Days in May, or, well, whatever month

News Headline:Sean Hannity: Trump could order a military tribunal to investigate the Department of Justice.”
Or are you one of those people who have something against military takeovers of democratic republics?
And has it really been 4,414 days since Hannity promised he would undergo waterboarding to prove it isn’t torture?
Not that anyone is counting.

One last public service. . . .

News Headline:
George W. Bush will eulogize father at funeral, Trump won’t speak.”
It was a high price to pay.
But someone finally managed to shut Donald Trump up.

Amid many points of light

George H.W. Bush in 2016 regarding Donald Trump:
I don’t like him. I don’t know much about him, but I know he’s a blowhard.”
Bush voted for Hillary Clinton later that year.
There are still a few matters to talk over in Valhalla: Dan Quayle, Clarence Thomas,
the Willie Horton ads. . . .
But by and large:
Hail and farewell.

25 days until Christmas

News Headline:
“NJ town threatens to shut down Christmas light display.”
News Headline: “Your Christmas tree could be home to up to 25,000 insects.”
Ho, Ho, Ho!

Enough is enough

News Headline:
They all lied. They’re all guilty.”
Sometimes a headline writer just has to take matters into his own hands.

And here comes the bride. . . .

News Headline: “Sheriff: Wedding photographer had sex with guest, urinated on tree.”
It’s the little things that go wrong at a wedding that often provide our most treasured memories.

From the QT police blotter

News Headline: “Ivanka Trump says ‘Lock her up’ doesn’t apply to her.”
That’s what they all say.
Lock her up.