A republic, if you can keep it


News Headline:Is Trump a traitor? Or is he ignorant?”
Don’t give up hope.
Try to think of him as multifaceted.

In other news. . . .


News Headline: “Hunter who’s killed 5,000 elephants and 60 lions says it gives him ‘a thrill.’ ”
News Headline: “Poacher killed by elephant and eaten by lions in South Africa.”
Sometimes life is fair.

This just in. . . .


News Headline: “Tourists threatened with death penalty for taking selfies on airport beach in Thailand.”
Can we agree that the death penalty for people who take selfies is too severe?
Well. In most cases.

Our long national nightmare in the news


News Headline: “Ex-ICE head: Trump had ‘single dumbest idea I’ve ever heard.’ ”
Yet there remains this bright side:
Donald Trump may not know what he’s talking about.
But he doesn’t mean what he says.

QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language


News Headline: “Students encouraged to remember ‘from whence you came.’ ”
Which makes it a good time to remind students everywhere that to say “from whence” is to say “from from where.”
And now that baseballs are flying, is it time for the reminder that when in a ballpark, the correct past tense of “fly” is “flied”?
You could look it up.

WRITE TO QT:  qt@zaysmith.com

Shhhhh

News Headline: “Prince William completes secret internship with three British spy agencies.”
British spy agencies may want to revisit the concept of “secret.”

The shining gated community upon a hill


News Headline: “Trump at border: ‘Our country is full.’ ”
Note to the world’s tired, poor and huddled masses yearning to be free:
Go away.
Get lost.
Losers.

From the QT news ticker


News Headline: “Vindication for Trump?”
News Headline: “Does Trump deserve an apology?”
News Headline: “Is America becoming Trump’s banana republic?”
News Headline: “How much does Trump love farmers?”
News Headline: “Do scandals even matter anymore?”
No, no, not yet, not much, not much.
See how easy?

From Poor QT’s Almanack


On this day 4,367 years ago, Noah’s ark came to rest on Mount Ararat, for those who like to keep precise track of events that never occurred.

QT 2020 vote count countdown update


News Headline: “Is Donald Trump a dangerously unhinged megalomaniac?”
When are we going to stop picking nits?