In other news. . . .


News Headline: “Rex Tillerson is not leaving as secretary of state, Trump says.”
News Headline: “Armed man tells police Trump ordered him to fight the lizard people.”
So Tillerson can be replaced.

Unindicted co-conspirators in the news


News Headline: “Mike Pence once ratted out his fraternity brothers for having a keg.”
Forget any Russian involvement.
This is all you need to know about Mike Pence.

Day 321, America held hostage


News Headline: “Trump’s presidency lurches from embarrassment to disaster.”
But on good days, it still manages to be embarrassing.

QT Yellowstone Caldera (the eruptions of which can be violent enough to send a layer of ash six feet deep as far away as Chicago and which erupts every 600,000 or so years and last erupted 640,000 years ago) update


News Headlne:
“Huge magma bubble may be rising under New England.”
And  you’ve been worried?
Nothing going on at Yellowstone.

Breaking news. . . .


News Headline:  ” ‘Alt-right’ women are upset that ‘alt-right’ men are treating them terribly.”
Sometimes life is fair.

A few sheets short of a klavern


News Headline:  “Moore says lesbians, gays, socialists behind sexual misconduct allegations.”
Wait a minute.
How stupid does Moore think Alabamans are?
OK. Got it.
Just stupid enough.

QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language

J.T., a Chicago reader, regarding a news item that American Airlines had offered vacation to too many pilots and was now offering them “150 percent of their hourly wage to cover the impacted  flights,” writes:
“Does ‘impacted’ imply a collision is involved?”
Yes. Any moment now.
And it gives QT an opportunity to mention that “impact” should never, ever be used as a verb.
Well. Except when you are happily impacted by QT’s e-book novel 60606, which has been called suspenseful and funny and can be purchased at  AT THIS HANDY LOCATION–choose your own price for the perfect Christmas gift.
Except for that.  

WRITE TO QT: qt@zaysmith.com

Breaking news. . . .


News Headline: “Trump made Hope Hicks steam his pants while he was wearing them.”
Your day may not be going well, but at least you don’t have to steam Donald Trump’s pants while he is wearing them.

This just in. . . .


News Item: “. . . Trump’s visit to the state follows a months-long review by the Interior Department that he ordered in April to identify which of 27 monuments designated by past presidents should be rescinded or resized to make way for development. . . .”
Whenever you see the word “development” in a story about the Trump administration, substitute the word “looting.”
It gives a better sense of the story.

Unregistered sex offenders in the news


News Headline: “A president accused of sexual misconduct by 16 women endorses a senatorial candidate accused of sexual misconduct by 9.”
Together we can make sexual assault great again.