News Headline: “Easter Bunny throws punches in Orlando brawl.”|
There are 356 days until next Easter.
Hippity, hoppity. . . .

News Headline: “Earth Day, 49 years later.”
And for the 49th time, we send Earth our thoughts and prayers.

News Headline: “Eggcellent Easter fun.”
News Headline: “An eggstremely fun Easter!”
News Headline: “Easter eggcitement!”
Stop it.
Stop it now.
But Happy Easter!

News Headline: “Ann Arbor OKs plan to keep parasite out of city’s water.”
Wait.
Isn’t that socialism?

News Headline: “Can taxing the rich pay for Medicare-for-All?”
News Headline: “Trump: Am I being audited because I’m a Christian?”
News Headline: “Could an incompleteness in quantum mechanics lead to our next scientific revolution?”
News Headline: “Is Trump mad at Fox News?”
News Headline: “The party of Islamophobia?”
Yes, no, yes and no, lover’s spat, guess which.
See how easy?

News Headline: “Massive asteroid will pass closer to Earth than the moon, NASA warns.”
That would be Asteroid 2019 GC6.
It is passing today.
But let’s not get carried away.
The last time an asteroid passed between Earth and the moon was almost six days ago.
And that asteroid was the first to pass between Earth and the moon in 12 days before that.
And nothing–not a single asteroid passing between Earth and the moon–for three days before that.
So can we stop it with the scare headlines?

News Headline: “Michele Bachmann hails ‘godly’ Trump.”
Add God to the list of things that aren’t what they used to be.
News Headline: “Donald Trump’s schedule is not overloaded.”
But understatement is alive and well.

News Headline: “Donald Trump on Mueller’s appointment: ‘This is the end of my presidency. I’m f—–d.’ ”
There is an old saying.
Nothing good happens fast.

News Headline: “Astronomers watch a donut rotate around a massive black hole.”
News Headline: “Antarctic meteorite tells the tale of an asteroid that ate a comet.”
So the universe remains a vast, cold and indifferent place.
But tasty.

News Headline: “Stalin’s approval rating among Russians hits record high.”
Make Russia Great Again.