Beware the ides of National Boost Your Self-Esteem Month.

News Headline: “It’s been almost 100 years since the since America’s 1% had this much wealth.”
The system works.

News Headline: “Who will be Trump’s next chief of staff?”
News Headline: “Republican lawmaker implies he’d drown his kids if they were gay.”
Asked and answered.

News Headline: “Texas grandma uses scooter to beat down robbers in clown masks armed with machete.”
The only way to stop a bad clown with a machete is with a good grandma with a scooter.
Ask the National Scooter Association.

“. . . tremendous. . . .  tremendous. . . . tremendous. . . . hoax. . . . collusion. . . . incredible. . . . incredible. . . . incredible. . . .  unbelievable. . . . tremendous. . . . tremendous. . . . incredible. . . . incredible. . . . like never before in our history. . . .”
Trump may be right.
Like never before in our history. . . .

News Headline: “Cost of winter heating may send chills up your spine.”
News Headline: “12 podcasts that will send chills down your spine.”
J.S., a Chicago reader, writes:
“Which is it? Do chills go up the spine or down the spine?”
You will find chills going down the spine more often than up.
But usage texts object to neither.
Which makes this as good a time as any for a reminder that it is impossible to swoop up.
Or zoom down.

WRITE TO QT:  qt@zaysmith.com

News Headline: “Chicago is the most corrupt American city: Report.”
If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing well.

News Headline: “Several items prohibited from tonight’s Trump rally.”
These include laser pointers, balloons, tolerance, understanding, selfie sticks, pepper spray, critical-thinking skills, coolers. . . .

News Headline: “DH or no DH, it’s time for Major League Baseball to decide
once and for all.”
To review:
The American League uses designated hitters.
The National League plays baseball.
And can it be only 13 days until spring training?

News Headline: “Trump accidentally celebrates the ‘abolition of civil rights’ in speech.”
Right. An accident.
That’s his story, and he’s sticking to it.