+ Bacteria can see.
+ Hamsters can wink.

News Headline: “Can Trump’s America deal with a global pandemic?”
Ronald Bruce Meyer, a Baltimorer reader, writes:
“Is ‘global pandemic’ redundant?”
QT Abridged Too Far Dictionary of the English Language:
pandemic noun 1. the worldwide outbreak of a disease. 2. the occurrence of a disease that affects many people over a wide area. 3. so you can have it either way, depending on which texts you check. 4. but it is clear we are in a pandemic now. 5. and fear is a good teacher. 6. in fact, we’ve learned a lot. 4 including how easy it is to install something like martial law. 7. but that’s for another time. 8 one of these days.

News Headline: “Polar ice caps melting six times faster than in the 1990s”
For those interested in the most important news story this week that no one is paying attention to.

Today’s Birthdays: Sammy “The Bull” Gravano, 75;  Rich “The Svengoolie” Koz, ageless.

News Headline: “Senior Republicans in self-quarantine over coronavirus.”
Not good enough.
What about all the cages we’ve built along the Mexican border?
Just to be safe.

News Headline: “Hollywood men are jazzing up their jewelry with pearls.”
Fair enough.
As long as any pearls around the neck are worn in odd numbers of strands.
And does this mean it’s time for QT’s sesquennial reminder that man should never kiss a woman’s hand, but only the air just above her hand?
Past time.
Sorry.

News Headline: “Rare white giraffe and calf killed by poachers–leaving just one left in
the world.”
Lest we forget that the animal kingdom sees humans as its terrorists.

News Headline: “Trump is forever.”
News Headline: “Theoretical holes in spacetime could swallow entire universe.”
But let’s not get our hopes up. 

News Headline: “You can put pickles up yourself.”
Editor John E.McIntyre  notes it is safer to write about the ability to “preserve” pickles yourself.
News Headline: “How Iran became a new epicenter of the coronavirus outbreak.”
K.R., a Baltimore reader, reminds that an epicenter can occur only in an earthquake.
And is it time for QT’s biennial reminder that cheerleaders don’t wave pompoms, but pompons?
Of course it is.

News Headline: “Joe Biden is demented racist shark food.”
The campaign may be starting to heat up.