News Headline: “Trump golf club hires undocumented workers: report.”
There is only one response.
We’ll need to build a wall around the golf club.
A big wall.
And walls around Donald Trump’s other golf clubs.
And walls around every Trump Tower.
Just to be safe.
And Trump will pay for them.

News Headline: “Tulsa police seek Santa Claus who robbed business east of downtown.”
News Headline: “ ’Tis the season for stolen Christmas trees.”
Ho, Ho, Ho!

News Headline: “National Health Service should be run more like McDonald’s, says health secretary.”
This could be helpful when visiting the McProctologist.

News Headline: “Las Vegas police step up ticketing of people feeding homeless.”
What would Jesus do?
Up to six months in Las Vegas.

News Headline: “Trump mulls charging immigrants a fee to apply for asylum: report.”
Note to huddled masses yearning to breathe free:
First let’s have 50 bucks.
Each.
Lady Liberty wants to see the cash.

News Headline: “Wisconsin company gives employees handguns for Christmas.”
Ho, Ho, Ho!

News Headline: “When will Trump visit troops in war zone?”
As the White House has said, there are logistics to consider.
Such as how to coax the president out from under his desk.

News Headline: “Did the Trump team conspire with the Russians?”
News Headline: “Has Trump managed to sink to a new low?”
News Headline: “Are we ready for another financial crisis?”
News Headline: “Could Senate Republicans be growing a spine?”
Yes, yes, no, ha.
See how easy?

News Headline: “Man charged with drunk driving in Santa Parade.”
News Headline: “Burgling Santa calls police to get him out of chimney.”
Ho, Ho, Ho!

News Item: “. . . The cheerleaders waved their pompoms. . . .”
Quick, before the football season is over:
Cheerleaders don’t wave pompoms.
Cheerleaders wave pompons.
And K.R., a Baltimore reader, wonders if it is time for the annual reminder that we don’t “hone in” on a target, but “home in” on it.
Past time, actually.
Won’t happen again.

WRITE TO QT:  qt@zaysmith.com