On this day 109 years ago Peter De Vries was born, and if you want to know why this writer is worth reading, consider:
“Anyone informed that the universe is expanding and contracting in pulsations of eighty billion years has a right to ask, ‘What’s in it for me?’ ”
Which isn’t to mention:
+ “The murals in restaurants are on a par with the food in museums.”
+ “A hundred years ago Hester Prynne of The Scarlet Letter was given an A for adultery. Today she would rate no better than a C-plus.”
+ “Human nature is pretty shabby stuff, as you may know from introspection.”
+ “It is final proof of God’s omnipotence that he need not exist in order to save us.”
A De Vries novel to start with is The Vale of Laughter.
You can work your way up to The Blood of the Lamb.
News Headline: “Donald Trump emerges as unexpected champion in White House for evangelicals.”
There seems to be a misunderstanding here.
Evangelicals may think Trump is speaking in tongues.
But he’s only trying to speak English.
News Headline: “Russia completes wall on Ukraine-Crimea border.”
Donald Trump tries.
Vladimir Putin succeeds.
Who hides in a bakery at Christmastime?
A mince spy.
Ho, Ho, Ho!
Only one thing left to say:
Merry (QT offers this statement without representation or warranty as to the effects or repercussions thereof upon any and all persons who might elect to celebrate the holiday as represented therein and with the understanding that any persons taking such actions without such representation or warranty do so with the express understanding that they have agreed to indemnify and hold QT harmless from the effects thereof) Christmas!
Gregg Ess, a Westmont, Ill., reader, regarding QT’s wondering when did sleet became a “wintry mix,” and when can we have sleet back, writes:
“Boy, won’t it throw a monkey wrench into your lexicon when you learn what graupel is!”
But QT has only this to say:
Soft hail and farewell.
Ho, Ho, Ho!
WRITE TO QT: email@example.com
News Headline: “Egypt: At least 19 human rights activists arrested in new crackdown.”
As Donald Trump looks on longingly.
News Headline: “Man accused of groping woman on plane: Trump ‘says it’s OK.’ ”
In related news, a White House spokesman said President Trump has withdrawn his endorsement of stop-and-frisk.
It was all a terrible mix-up, the spokesman said.
Trump thought he was being asked about stalk-and-grab.
News Item: “. . . have decried the decline of comity in Congress. . . .”
When you see the word “comity” in a news story about Congress, replace it with “comedy.”
You will never go wrong.
News Item: “. . . achieve full legislative parity in Congress. . . .”
And the other thing:
When you see the word “parity,” replace it with “parody.”
News Headline: “Tylenol can ‘ward off existential dread of death and nothingness.’ ”
Yes. But will it upset QT’s stomach?