Category Archives: Uncategorized

Ho, Ho, Ho!

Santy Claus
Who hides in a bakery at Christmastime?
A mince spy.
Ho, Ho, Ho!
That should do it until QT returns next week.
Ho, Ho, Ho!
Only one thing left to say:
Merry (QT offers this statement without representation or warranty as to the effects or repercussions thereof upon any and all persons who might elect to celebrate the holiday as represented therein and with the understanding that any persons taking such actions without such representation or warranty do so with the express understanding that they have agreed to indemnify and hold QT harmless from the effects thereof) Christmas!

QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language

Parsley


News Headline:
“What to do if your wages are garnished.”
E.T., a Chicago reader, writes:
“I keep reading about wages being garnished–instead of garnisheed. The trouble with garnished wages is getting the parsley stains off your paychecks.”
And is it past time for QT’s annual reminder that it isn’t “a penny for your thoughts,” but “a penny for your thought”?
Evidently.

WRITE TO QT:  qt@zaysmith.com

Round and Round we go

Santa's Reindeer
K.R., a Baltimore reader, regarding QT’s annual reminders that it isn’t “God rest ye, merry gentlemen” but “God rest ye merry, gentleman” and that Christmas pudding should be stirred clockwise, writes:
“Is this related to the rule that you should not go widdershins around a church?”
Exactly.
And QT forgot one reminder:
The reindeer’s name is Donder, not Donner.

WRITE TO QT:  qt@zaysmith.com

QT trickle-on economics update

Wal-Mart Food Drive
+ The Walton family, heirs to Wal-Mart, have doubled and redoubled their wealth six times in the last 30 years to more than $150 billion.
+ There are food drives again this year for Wal-Mart workers who are hungry.

Everyone needs a hobby

Poison Dart Frog
News Item:
Scientists have discovered a new species of poison dart frog in the Donoso district of Panama. The tiny orange-colored frog, which is as small as a fingernail. . . .”
This follows recent discoveries of tulips with digestive systems, cannibal lemurs, worms with no mouths, fish with penises in their heads, snakes with tentacles and meat-eating sponges.
. . . . as the Intelligent Designer walks slowly away, whistling to himself.

You could look it up

QT's Thesaurus
News Item: “. . . Though the survey is not a scientific poll, its findings. . . .”
QT’s Thesaurus of English Words & Phrases & Terms & Expressions & So On:
garbage
noun
rubbish, litter, trash, refuse, waste, sweepings, scraps, debris, swill, offal, flotsam and jetsam, dross, dreck, rot, crap, drivel, not a scientific poll

Try to remember two days in September

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA
News Headline:
“We must never forget lessons of 9/11.”
A reminder of another day’s lessons to remember:
The day was two weeks later.
It was  9/25.
It was on that day in Los Angeles that the story was reported of a German surgeon in a Jewish hospital performing a kidney transplant from a white Muslim woman to a black Christian man.
We can do worse than remember the lessons of 9/25, also.

From Poor QT’s Almanack

Declaration of Independcance

On this day in 1776,  the Continental Congress voted for indepe–
Wait. That was July 2.
On this day in 1776, two days after voting for independence, the Continental Congress met for the formal signing of the Decla–
Wait. Only John Hancock, the president of Congress, and Charles Thompson, the secretary, signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4.
The entire Continental Congress didn’t sign it until August 2.
And Thomas McKean of Delaware didn’t sign it until 1781.
Happy Fourth of July!

Sympathy and trust abounding. . . .

Terrorists

News Headline: “House panel approves massive Pentagon spending bill.”
News Headline: “Terrorists team up in Syria to build next generation of bombs.”
No one said the dawning of the Age of Aquarius didn’t need a little tweaking.

Klaatu barada IPO

Robot

News Headline: “Firm names robot to board of directors.”
Won’t work.
A robot has no place on a corporate board.
It  knows only numbers.
It has no moral values, no concern for the needs of society.
Wait. What?
Oh. Right.
Never mind.