News Headline: “Kremlin: Trump didn’t send birthday message to Putin.”
Wait a minute.
Donald Trump wouldn’t forget the boss’s birthday.
News Headline: “Trump’s withdrawal from Syria is a gift to Russia.”
News Headline: “Too much exercise can dull the brain, study says.”
News Headline: “Cannabis reverses aging process in brain, study suggests.”
Keep up the good work, researchers!
News Item: “. . . The U.S. became a service economy when. . . .”
Kids, go get grandpa and ask him what it was like when a milkman brought the dairy to your doorstep, when an attendant pumped the gas and cleaned the windshield, when a. . . .
Back before we had a service economy.
News Headline: “Lindsey Graham’s moment of truth.”
Not to worry.
It was only a moment.
News Headline: “Nokia launches phones, including another legendary icon.”
Add legends and icons to the list of things that aren’t what they used to be.
Not to mention legendary icons.
A woman in Toney, Ala . called police to report suspected impurities in her bag of meth.
News Headline: “Trump spends Saturday night tweeting clips from Fox News.”
QT Abridged Too Far Dictionary of the English Language:
tweet noun 1. a weak chirping sound, as of a small bird. 2. often the smallest and weakest of birds 3. and always so frightened behind the puffed-out chests. 4. which is not to mention the brains of birds. 5. as that would be disrespectful.
News Headline: “How a white supremacist’s haircut became a symbol for hate.”
The haircut is a bowl cut.
So now we can put it alongside the comb-over ducktail.
As long as we’re at it.
News Headline: “We asked Mafia experts if Trump is really acting like a mob boss.”
News Headline: “Trump: It would be smart to get along with Russia.”
Asked and answered.
News Headline: “When will robots kill us all?”
News Headline: “This robot can make 300 pizzas an hour.”
So it’s started.