News Headline: “Trump releases plan to privatize roads and bridges.”
News Headline: “Toll roads poised to boom under Trump plan.”
When you see the word “privatize” in the news, replace it with the word “loot.”
It gives a better sense of the story.
News Headline: “Paul Ryan says Medicare privatization is on.”
News Headline: “Trump advisors want to privatize oil-rich Indian reservations.”
Or think of it as a looting spree.
News Headline: “Clemson beats Alabama to claim national title.”
Not so fast there.
During the 2016 college football season:
Central Arkansas beat Illinois State.
Which beat Northwestern.
Which beat Pitt.
Which beat Clemson.
Hail Central Arkansas!
National College Football Champions!
News Headline: “Trump’s new Washington hotel owes workers more than $5 million.”
The dishonest press is making a lot out of this. Sad!
As for the workers:
Mexico will pay for it.
Asteroid 2017 AZ3 was discovered three days ago.
It barely missed us two days ago, passing just outside the moon’s orbit.
Astreroid 2017 AS4 was discovered two days ago.
It barely missed us yesterday, passing just outside the moon’s orbit.
Asteroid 2017 AG13 was discovered yesterday.
It is barely missing us today, passing halfway between Earth and the moon.
Ten days remain until Donald Trump’s presidential inauguration.
The Intelligent Designer is doing the best he can.
News Headline: “Snow Mountain snow-tubing park closes because of snow.”
The nation’s current irony outbreak, which had been stalled over Trump Tower in New York City, has veered south to Georgia.
It is expected to remain there only briefly.
News Headline: “WikiLeaks retweets Donald Trump’s demand for congressional investigation into leaked intel report.”
See? Back in New York already.
News Headline: “Tampa activists arrested for feeding the homeless.”
What would Jesus do?
In Tampa, about 30 days.
Asteroid 2017 AZ3 was discovered today.
It will barely miss us tomorrow, passing just outside the moon’s orbit.
Thirteen days remain until Donald Trump’s presidential inauguration.
As we look longingly to the sky.
News Headline: “Hottest Arctic on record triggers massive ice melt.”
News Headline: “Potential for collapse of key Atlantic current rises.”
News Headline: “Polar vortex is back and it’s going to get ugly.”
QT Abridged Too Far Dictionary of the English Language:
climatology noun 1. the study of climates and their phenomena. 2. the phenomena these days including air pollution that causes warmer arctic temperatures. 3. which are melting the ice into the sea. 4. which can weaken Atlantic currents that normally bring warmth to temperate regions. 3. which can trigger polar vortexes and potentially an Ice Age. 4. which is the sequence of events in the the disaster movie “The Day After Tomorrow.” 5. And who knew the Intelligent Designer was a film buff?
News Headline: “Trump taps Wall Street insider as finance industry watchdog.”
Titulo de Noticias: “Trump escolhe advogado de Wall Street para liderar regular a bolsa.”
Better to take the news these days in Portuguese.
Seems somehow less alarming.
News Headline: “Trump breaks promise to reveal secret info on Russian hacks by Wednesday.”
Note to editors:
It is not news when Donald Trump breaks a promise.
It is news when he keeps one.