Author Archives: Zay Smith

Frontiers of science

News Headline: “Study: Drinking coffee may help you live longer.”
News Headline: “Moderate, heavy drinkers more likely to reach 85 without dementia, study says.”
Keep up the good work, researchers!

From Poor QT’s Almanack

Martha Stewart, who was born 76 years ago today, is preparing to rotate her lampshades to avoid uneven fading as you read this.

Day 197, America held hostage

News Headline: “Trump wants to judge immigrants by their English-speaking and
job skills.”
And one of these years, we might want to judge presidential candidates similarly.

QT Summer Travel Advisory

There will be no Central Nebraska Ethnic Festival this year.

We have seen the present, and it does not work

News Headline: “U.S. State Department considers dropping ‘democracy’ from its mission statement.”
For those interested in the most important news story this week that no one is paying attention to.

QT Man-Bites-Dog Worldwide Pinpoint Locator

As of the 30th dog day of summer, there have been no new reports of a man biting a dog.
But a woman bit a police officer in Minot, N.D.
There are 10 dog days to go.

In other news. . . .

White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders denying reports that the Trump administration is in chaos:
If you want to see chaos, come to my house with three preschoolers.”
Exactly so.
There is only one in the Oval Office.
And his play phone usually calms him down.

GovernMania MMXVII

News Headline: “Anthony Scaramucci is out only 10 days after being named White House communications director.”
News Headline: “How Donald Trump’s White House is like ‘Game of Thrones.’ ” 
News Headline: “New York Post depicts Trump White House as reality TV ‘Survivor.’ ” 
. . . as we  move steadily toward “The Benny Hill Show.”

QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language

News Headline: “Florida man bitten by poisonous snake slapped with 6-figure bill.”
If you were a poisonous snake slapped with a 6-figure bill, you’d be in a biting mood, too.
And can it be time for QT’s quadrennial reminder that it isn’t “chip off the old block,” but “chip of the old block”?

From the QT news ticker

News Headline: “What happened? What happened?!”
Sometimes a headline writer’s mind wanders.