Author Archives: Zay Smith

Ah, nature

News Headline: “Scientists discover massive sulfur-eating hell clams in Philippines.”
. . . as the Intelligent Designer walks slowly away, whistling to himself.

In other news. . . .

News Headline: “What is Trump hiding?”
News Headline: “So, what is Trump hiding?”
News Headline: “What isn’t Trump hiding?”
Sometimes a headline writer needs a few tries to get it right.

From the QT police blotter

News Headline: “Wig-wearing robbers hit St. Lucie West jewelry store.”
Police are combing the area.
News Headline: “Fruit-bin thefts investigated.”
Police are seeking persimmons of interest.
News Headline: “Suspected underwear thief is caught by police.”
A court hearing was delayed pending a submission of briefs.
News Headline: “Vandals rip out stadium toilet pipes.”
Investigators say thay have nothing to go on.
QT will stop now.


This just in. . . .

News Headline: “Majority in U.S. no longer thinks Trump keeps his promises.”
You can’t put anything past us Americans.

Frontiers of science

News Headline: “The Great Barrier Reef is in its ‘terminal stage.’ ”
News Headline: “Receding glacier causes immense Canadian river to vanish in four days.”
For those interested in the most important news stories this week that no one is paying attention to.

. . . born every minute

News Headline: “Trump’s amazing ignorance.”
News Headline: “Trump’s authoritarian vision.”
News Headline: “Trump’s Russian connections.”
News Headline: “Let’s strive for empathy toward Trump voters.”
Let’s not.

Rabbit, run

News Headline: “This is the week for eggcitement.”
News Headline: “Eggsactly what to eat for Easter.”
News Headline: “Eggcellent weather for Easter hunt.”
Stop it.
Stop it now.
And. . .  well. . . Happy Easter!

High crimes and misdemeanors in the news

News Headline: “Trump administration won’t release White House visitor logs.”
It might seem to some as if  President Trump is hiding something.
But not really.
Most of what he’s hiding is in his tax returns.

We have seen the present, and it does not work

News Headline: “How United turned the Friendly Skies into a flying hellscape.”
News Headline: “ ‘Calculated misery’: how airlines profit from your miserable flying experience.”
Can it be 39 years since we deregulated airlines in favor of the magic of the free marketplace?
And is everyone having fun so far?

Breaking news. . . .

News Headline: “Were Trump voters tricked by Satan?”
Finally, a reasonable explanation.