Author Archives: Zay Smith

In other news. . . .


News Item:
“. . . have decried the decline of comity in Congress. . . .”
A reminder:
When you see the word “comity” in a news story about Congress, replace it with “comedy.”
You will never go wrong.
News Item: “. . . achieve full legislative parity in Congress. . . .”
And the other thing:
When you see the word “parity,” replace it with “parody.”

Meanwhile in Florida. . . .


News Headline: “Did the commissioner accused of sphincter bleaching just compare the mayor to Hitler?”
Good to see them getting down to the issues in Hallandale Beach, Fla.

From Poor QT’s Almanack


Today’s Birthdays: Isabella II, 188;  Adlai III, 88

The new normal in the news


News Headline: “Trump supporters line up for presidential rally overnight in the rain.”
Today’s example of what Trump supporters don’t have enough sense to come in out of.

QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language


News Item:
“. . . was a director of first impressions at Re/Max Properties for two
years. . . .”

When did receptionists become directors of first impressions, and when can we have receptionists back?
News Item: “. . . a large  wooden spool that has been repurposed as a table. . . .”
K.W., a Denver reader, writes:
“When did ‘reuse’ become ‘repurpose’, and when can we reuse ‘reuse’?”
And can it be past time for QT’s biennial reminder that it isn’t “hoist by his own petard,” but “hoist with his own petard”?
Evidently.

WRITE TO QT:  qt@zaysmith.com

GovernMania MMXVIII


News Headline: “Lindsey Graham: ‘Roles were reversed’ and Kavanaugh was the ‘slut whore drunk’ of assault claim.”
And mind you, this comes straight from the hack wimp clown.

The Art of the Schlemiel


News Headline:“Ford plans layoffs, blames Trump tariffs for $1 billion lost.”
Up to 24,000 workers will suddenly grow tired of all the winning, according to the report.

This just in. . . .

News Headline: “Tourist helps sloth cross road in Costa Rica.”
Slow news day.

A nation of immigrants

News Headline: “Goodbye, Columbus. Hello Indigenous Peoples Day.”

QT Abridged Too Far Dictionary of the English Language:
indigenous adj. 1. naturally existing in a place or country rather than arriving from a different place. 2. which seems to mean there are no indigenous people here. 3. as everyone on this continent, including the Sioux and the Inuit, either arrived from somewhere else or is a descendant of someone who arrived from somewhere else. 4. from across an ocean, say, or an Asian land bridge. 5. so maybe we should rename the day again. 6. Happy Peoples Still Fighting Over Who Had Dibs a Long Time Ago Day!

More news from the people who study things


News Headline: “Tylenol can ‘ward off existential dread of death and nothingness.’ ”
Yes. But will it upset QT’s stomach?