Author Archives: Zay Smith

Day 355, America held hostage

News Headline:
“Trump administration waives punishment for convicted banks, including Deutsche–to which Trump owes millions.”
The system works.

Frontiers of science

News Headline:
“It’s so hot in Australia that bats’ brains are frying.”
Scientists were able to determine this when the bats came out in favor of Donald Trump’s border wall.

From the QT Archive of Knowledge

+ Male honeybees explode after mating.
+ Rush Limbaugh’s bathroom has a bidet.

QT College Football Playoff System

News Headline:
“Alabama beats Georgia in OT for national title.”
Not so fast there.
During the 2017 college football season:
Northwestern beat Iowa.
Iowa beat Ohio State.
Ohio State beat USC.
USC beat Stanford.
Stanford beat Notre Dame.
Notre Dame beat LSU.
LSU beat Auburn.
Auburn beat Alabama.
Hail Northwestern!
National College Football Champions!

QT Planetary Defense Coordination Office

The first asteroid of the year to pass between Earth and the moon was discovered late last week.
But at worst, if it had hit, Asteroid 2018 AH would have caused a crater only three miles across.
Give or take.
Happy New Year!

Day 352, America held hostage

News Headline: “Mueller indicates he will likely seek interview with Trump.”
The special counsel had better be careful.
Trump is, like, really smart.

From Poor QT’s Almanack

On this day in history 1,147 years ago. the Saxons defeated the Danes at the Battle of Ashdown, which seemed important at the time.

. . . as a third Trump associate is heard from

News Headline:
“Report claims Rex Tillerson called Donald Trump a ‘f—ing moron.’ ”
News Headline: “Report: Rupert Murdoch called Trump a ‘f—ing idiot.’ ”
News Headline: “Ex-aide says Trump is a ‘f—ing fool.’ ”
And the question remains:
Which one is he?

QT 2018 vote count countdown update

News Headline:
“Michele Bachmann eyes Franken’s Senate seat.”
Fair warning to avert ours.
Or maybe just a little peek. . . .

This just in. . . .

News Headline: “Opera ‘Carmen’ gets new ending to stop violence against women.”
Carmen isn’t stabbed to death.
Instead she shoots Don José.
And while we’re at it, shouldn’t we take a new look at Shakespeare after what he did to Cordelia, Desdemona, Lavinia, Ophelia and Juliet?