Author Archives: Zay Smith

From Poor QT’s Almanack

Beware the ides of National Simplify Your Life Month.

As red lights blink all around. . . .

News Headline: “Trump’s White House misspells ‘United States” in embarrassing official statement.”
News Headline: Trump believed Nepal was part of India–and he thought it was pronounced ‘nipple.’ ”
Someday we’ll look back on this and laugh.
Or at least the Russians will.



From the QT news ticker

News Headline:
“Why do turtles need shells? Why do frogs hop?”
Sometimes, on a slow news day, a reporter just wonders things.

QT Latest Carjacker Who Didn’t Know How to Work a
Stick Shift Worldwide Pinpoint Locator

9:15 p.m. Friday, August 2, at 7101 Democracy Blvd. in Bethesda, Md.

The Party of Lincoln 2.0 in the news

+ Steve West, Republican nominee for
Missouri state representative:
“Hitler was right about what was taking place in Germany. And who was behind it.”
+ John Fitzgerald, Republican congressional nominee in California:
“Everything we’ve been told about the Holocaust is a lie.”
+ Arthur Jones, Republican congressional nominee in Illinois:
“Nazi ideology is the ideology of the average American white person, but they don’t know it.”
So this is where the Republicans seem headed:
The moderates are the ones in the sheets.

Allegiance now

News Headline: “Atlanta school: No more Pledge of Allegiance to start the day.”
Wait a minute.
How can a democracy survive unless it forces its children to stand at rigid attention every day and promise blind allegiance?

From the QT Archive of Knowledge

+ Abraham Lincoln’s 1860 Republican platform did not mention God once.
+ Neither did his 1864 platform.

From Poor QT’s Almanack

On this day in history 44 years ago Richard Nixon resigned the presidency, 44 years to the day after the premiere of the first cartoon featuring Betty Boop, in what may have been a  coincidence.

Doing the math

News Headline: “Nearly half of Republicans think Trump should have the power to shut down news media.”
Just to reassure you:
+  27 percent of Americans are Republicans.
+  43 percent of the 27 percent think Donald Trump should be able to shut down the news media.
So only 12 percent of Americans are fascists.

In other news. . . .

News Headline: “Now even YouPorn has banned Alex Jones, but he’s still on Twitter.”
That is because YouPorn has some standards.
No bestiality. No Alex Jones.
And no Donald Trump, come to think of it.