Monthly Archives: February 2019

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From the QT news ticker

News Headline: “Is Trump more concerned with his personal image than national security?”
News Headline: “Is Trump plunging the world into a new nuclear arms race?”
News Headline: “Good riddance to Amazon?”
News Headline:Why are Trump’s tariffs riddled with exemptions?
Yes, yes, always, guess.
See how easy?

QT Bureau of Waits and Half-Measures

News Item:
“. . . Even toward the lower end of the estimate, the space rock is believed to be about nine times as long as a queen-size bed and about three times taller than an average giraffe. . . .”
And at the higher end, taller than 16.8 Shaquille O’Neals, if you are still trying to visualize it.

Russian assets in the news

News Headline:
“Trump’s DHS guts task forces protecting elections from foreign meddling.”
QT knows what you are thinking.
Heavens to Betsy, what a dreadful thing to think.

QT loud guy at the end of the bar update

News Headline:
“Trump declares national emergency over border wall.”
News Headline: “Angry boy dials 911 to report Santa for not delivering gifts on wish list.”
The two stories seemed to go together, for some reason.

QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language

News Item: “. . . scene of the grizzly crime. . . .”
News Item: “. . . photos of the grizzly crime scene. . . .”
What is going on with our bear population?
Or maybe it’s only the grisly bears.
And is it time for QT’s triennial reminder that thither is closer to hither than yon?
Or is that neither here nor there?

The Love Boat promises something for everyone

News Headline: “Chicopee man denies attacking ex-girlfriend’s new boyfriend.”
Happy Valentine’s Day!

Trump University Journalism 101

News Headline:
“Trump ex-aide lied to prosecutors, judge rules.”
Note to editors:
It is not news when Trump ex-aides lie to prosecutors..
It is news when they don’t.

Tender moments

Men are expected to spend more than double what women spend this year on Valentine’s Day–an average of $95 compared to $41, a survey found.
QT renews its Valentine advice for men wooing women:
When the gifts have been exchanged, the man should lean gently forward.
He should look into the woman’s eyes.
Then he should whisper:
“You owe me $54.”
She’ll laugh.
She really will.

The Making of the President 2020nado!

Democratic presidential candidate Cory Booker campaigning in Iowa:
“There’s something almost immoral about being on the richest country on the planet Earth, and people are putting aside life-saving medication because they can’t afford it.”
K.R., a Baltimore reader, writes:


A republic, if you can keep it

News Headline: “Missouri lawmakers fight to roll back voter-approved sunshine law.”
News Headline: “Utah lawmakers defy voter-approved Medicaid expansion.”
A problem here.
The headlines don’t identify the party of these lawmakers who are trying to undermine our system of government.
How will we ever guess?