Rush Limbaugh regarding the message of Thanksgiving:
“The true story of Thanksgiving is how socialism failed. With all the–”
Oh, be quiet.
And while we’re at it, the annual reminder:
+ The thing above the turkey’s beak is a the snood.
+ The thing below the beak is the wattle.
News Headline: “Which stores will be open on Thanksgiving?”
Stores that will be open for business on Thanksgiving this year include Best Buy, Dick’s Sporting Goods, J. C. Penney, Kohl’s, Kmart, Macy’s, Old Navy, Target and Wal-Mart.
For those making their annual list of stores to avoid for all holiday shopping.
News Headline: “Trump says no punishment for Saudi prince over journalist’s murder: ‘Maybe he did and maybe he didn’t.’ ”
News Headline: “Trump hugs Saudis, calls world ‘a very dangerous place.’ ”
The world has its dangers.
Somebody doesn’t play ball.
Somebody gets hurt.
Sometimes very badly.
Leave the Declaration of Human Rights.
Take the cannoli.
Lecturers at Leeds Trinity University in Britain have been told to avoid using the word “don’t” in instructions because negativity can cause anxiety in more sensitive students.
News Headline: “Pfizer to raise prices on 41 drugs in January.”
Here is the difference between Corporate Pharma and a drug pusher hanging out on a stoop:
A marketing budget.
News Headline: “It’s now cheaper to build a new windfarm than to keep a coal plant running.”
For those interested in the most important news story this week that no one is paying attention to.
News Headline: “Bankrupt Sears wants to give executives $19 million in bonuses.”
QT renews its offer:
Put QT in charge of your corporation.
QT will singlehandedly push it into bankruptcy in six months, guaranteed.
And it will ask a bonus of only $1 million.
Why are there no takers?
News Headline: “Florida man strips naked, eats noodles and plays bongos at restaurant.”
K.W., a Denver reader, finds this as reasonable a response as any to the news of the day.
WRITE TO QT: firstname.lastname@example.org
The Women’s Resource Center at Eastern Michigan University has banned productions of “The Vagina Monologues” because the play is not inclusive of transgender women who were born without vaginas.
News Headline: “Trump says not raking leaves is a bigger cause of California wildfires than climate change.”
This is where we are now:
Give Cliff Clavin a few million dollars, and we have our president.