Monthly Archives: August 2018

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From the QT news ticker

News Headline:
“Are Trump supporters blinded by love?”
News Headline: “Three men facing over 1,400 charges after allegedly having sex with dogs, horses, cow, goat.”
QT wants to make this clear:
One story has nothing to do with the other.

This just in. . . .

Satire Headline: “Pence calls Space Force necessary to protect us from gay aliens.”
News Headline: “Texas Rep. Louis Gohmert says gay space colonies will doom humanity.”
You’ve heard people say it.
Satire can’t keep up with the news.
And they’re right.

Today’s Miracle

News Headline: “A baby with a brain tumor underwent a miraculous recovery after a kiss from Pope Francis.”
The headline writer was too overcome by the miracle to mention the baby’s chemotherapy treatments.

QT Latest Carjacker Who Didn’t Know How to Work a
Stick Shift Worldwide Pinpoint Locator

The evening of Friday, August 9, at 3225 W. Nine Mile Rd. in  Pensacola, Fla.

The president who likes things that go boom

News Headline: “Trump lashes out after Pentagon delays military parade.”
News Headline: “Trump Paris-bound in November to watch a military parade.”
A happy ending.
Donald Trump gets his parade.
And France will pay for it.

From the QT police blotter

+ Gene Christianson, an Overland Park, Kan., reader, regarding a
news story about a woman arrested for blasting opera music from her house and QT’s noting that the police had her dead to rights, so she wouldn’t rigoletto this one, writes:
“I have no aida what you’re talking about.”
+ Stephen J. Smith, a Minneapolis reader, writes:
“What she needs is a good stiffelio drink.”
+ S.A., a Chicago reader, writes:
“Verdi you get off with all this?”
Stop it.
Stop it now.



Finally, a solution

News Headline: “How can FIFA address corruption in soccer?”
News Headline: “FIFA removes the word ‘corruption’ from its latest code of ethics.”
Asked and answered.

Aretha Franklin (1942-2018)

From Donald Trump’s statement on the death of Aretha Franklin:
“. . . She worked for me on numerous occasions. . . .”
Lest anyone think for a moment she was his equal.
Making us forget for only a moment that few were her equal.
Even if she spent much of her songful life working for civil rights.
Which is to say, the idea that all of us are equal.

From the QT police blotter

News Headline: “Woman arrested for blasting Verdi from her house 16 hours a day.”
The police have her dead to rights.
No way she’ll rigoletto this one.


QT 2018 vote count countdown update

News Headline: “Democrats disgusted, enraged by Trump’s Omarosa comments.”
Keeping in mind QT’s Third Rule of Politics (sorry, forgot the first two):
No one is happier than a politician who is disgusted and enraged.