Monthly Archives: August 2018

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Frontiers of science

News Headline:
“Regular daily alcohol intake is best for heart health, study finds.”
News Headline: New research suggests evolution might favor ‘survival of the laziest.’ ”
Keep up the good work, researchers!

Cops and robbers in the news

News Headline: “Trump Organization CFO granted immunity to testify.”
It’s over.
The feds got to the bookkeeper.

QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language

News Headline: “A potential inflection point for the Trump presidency.”
When did turning points become inflection points, and when can we have turning points back?
And is it time for QT’s biennial reminder that a “general consensus of opinion” is a general general opinion of opinion?
But not quite.


Overdue process

News Headline: “MSNBC trounces Fox News in ratings  on Manafort-Cohen day, knocking Hannity to third.”
Has it been 3,412 days since Hannity promised he would undergo waterboarding to prove it isn’t torture?
Might help the ratings.

Leave the Constitution, take the cannoli

News Headline: “Former FBI director compares Trump to mobster.”
News Headline: “Trump: Impeach me and the market crashes.”
Nice stock market you have there.
Be a shame if something happened to it.

From the QT police blotter

+ Jim West, a Peoria, Ill., reader, regarding a news story about the theft of a truck trailer full of packaged noodles and QT’s noting that the case may require a spaetzle prosecutor, writes:
“They’ll have this solved in a few days orzo.”
+ John Pellegrini, a Grand Rapids, Mich., reader, writes:“The big problem is that the street value is only a few pennes.”
+ Rich Rzadski, a Chicago reader, writes:
“Will the spaetzle prosecutor have room on his legal colander?”
+ Paul DeMarte, an Evanston, Ill., reader, writes:
“This case is going to require a soba judge.”
+ Larry Rand, a Chicago reader, writes:
“It might be plea-bargained down to a misodemeanor.”
+ Mike Gallery, a Bull Valley, Ill., reader, writes:
“This is all way pasta point of good taste.”
Stop it.
Stop it now.


From the QT Archive of Knowledge

+ Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos owns 10 yachts.
+ That is enough knowledge for one day.

The wheels of justice in the news

News Headline: “First congressman to endorse Trump indicted.”
News Headline: “Indict Republican congressman who was second to endorse Trump.”
Trump was endorsed by 182 congressmen.
Good to see we’re keeping this orderly.

QT loud guy at the end of the bar update

News Headline:
“Michael Cohen pleads guilty, admits to making illegal payments at direction of candidate to influence election.”
Cohen did not name in court the candidate who directed the seriously criminal behavior.
So we’ll have to guess.
Let’s see. . .  this is a tough one. . . .

From the QT police blotter

News Headline: “Georgia police probe theft of $98,000 worth of ramen noodles.”
This case may require a spaetzle prosecutor.