Monthly Archives: April 2018

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From the QT police blotter

News Headline: “A man is in jail after assaulting another man with a watermelon.”
Dave Carr, an Owen Sound, Ontario, reader, regarding QT’s guess that it happened in a seedy part of town, followed by another reader’s noting it was a meloncholy story, writes:
“Time to rind up the usual suspects.”
Stop it.
Stop it now.

WRITE TO QT:  qt@zaysmith.com

In other news. . . .


News Headline: “. . . FedEx does X-ray some packages that travel through its system and has dog-sniffing teams that. . . .”
Your day may not be going well, but at least you aren’t part of a team that sniffs dogs.

The сияющий город upon a hill


News Headline:
“McConnell shuts down bipartisan effort to protect special counsel Mueller.”
For those keeping track of unindicted co-conspirators in the news.

From the QT news ticker


News Headline:
“Bathroom hand dryers spreading poop on your hands, study finds.”
News Headline: “More doo-doo found in park as search for serial pooper continues.”
Writing news headlines is easy.
Even a child can do it.

From the QT police blotter


News Headline:
“A man is in jail after assaulting another man with a watermelon.”
L.R., a Chicago reader, regarding QT’s guess that it happened in a seedy part of town, writes:
“Not a happy story. Almost meloncholy.”
Stop it.
Stop it now.

WRITE TO QT:  qt@zaysmith.com

Russian assets in the news


News Headline:
“Trump enraged after finding out he stood up to Putin.”
News Headline: “Trump halts plan for new sanctions against Russia.
It’s a good thing Donald Trump has an understanding boss.

QT Planetary Defense Coordination Office


Only three asteroids were discovered last week as they passed between Earth and the moon.
And only one of them was the largest known asteroid to pass this close to Earth “in observational history.”
But even if Asteroid 2018 GE3–about the size of a football stadium–had hit, it would have created a crater only two miles across and destroyed everything for only 15 miles in every direction.
So there remains no cause for concern.

QT Grammar R Us Seminar in the English Language


News Item:
“. . . will be on tender hooks right to the last minute. . . .”
S.A., a Chicago reader, writes that she will be on tenterhooks waiting for people to stop writing “tender hooks.”
And is it time for QT’s biennial reminder that pictures are hung and condemned prisoners are hanged?
Evidently.

WRITE TO QT:  qt@zaysmith.com

The Dawning of the Age of Aquarius in the news


News Item: “. . . called Syria’s repeated use of chemical weapons ‘atrocities’ that violate all norms of civilized behavior. . . .”
Fair warning to Bashar al-Assad:
Stay with the barrel bombs and bullets.
Which are within the norms of civilized behavior.

The national conversation in the news


Former CIA Director
John Brennan to President Trump:
“Your kakistocracy is collapsing after its lamentable journey.”
Say this about Donald Trump:
For all the high crimes and misdemeanors, he’s been good for our vocabularies.