News Headline: “Florida man bitten by poisonous snake slapped with 6-figure bill.”
If you were a poisonous snake slapped with a 6-figure bill, you’d be in a biting mood, too.
And can it be time for QT’s quadrennial reminder that it isn’t “chip off the old block,” but “chip of the old block”?
Evidently.

News Headline: “What happened? What happened?!”
Sometimes a headline writer’s mind wanders.

K.R., a Baltimore reader, writes that she is troubled by a city bill she received with “a line for ‘water consumption’ and another for ‘sewer consumption.’ ”
Sewer consumption can be a problem these days.
But try avoiding C-SPAN.
That may help.

WRITE TO QT:  qt@zaysmith.com

News Headline:  “ ‘Pickle’ in letter to Trump: ‘I want him to be my friend..’ ”
And President Trump has said he will be your friend, young Dylan “Pickle” Harbin, 9.
Until he decides you are weak.
And incompetent.
And disloyal
You loser.
Until then.

News Headline: “Meet the ex-con who ties himself to Trump.”
It happens
Sometimes an ex-con falls in with a bad crowd.

Is it time for QT’s annual reminder that a man should never kiss a woman’s hand, but only the air just above her hand?
Evidently.

1:15 a.m. Wednesday, July 26, at 1050 Southern Drive, in Columbia, S.C.

News Headline: “Scaramucci unleashes profanity-filled rant against fellow Trump aides Priebus, Bannon.”
Among the comments of Anthony Scaramucci:
“. . .  f –––ing paranoid schizophrenic. . . they’re going to have to go f –––  themselves. . .   f –––ing  kill all the leakers. . . f –––ing Department of Justice. . . . ”
So there we have it.
President Trump’s Watergate needed one more development to make it complete.
Expletives deleted.

News Headline: “Poll: Half of Trump voters say he won the popular vote.”
News Headline: “Only 45 percent of Trump voters believe Donald Jr. met with Russians, even though he admitted it.”
News Headline: “Trump and Republicans treat their voters like morons.”
And can we blame Trump and the Republicans?

News Headline: “One-armed, machete-wielding clown arrested.”
A reminder that these things happen in threes.