Monthly Archives: February 2017

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From the QT police blotter


News Headline:
“Man grabs woman’s buttocks as she walks down the street.”
The police should go easy on him.
He was trying to be presidential.

We have seen the present, and it does not work


The University of Washington Tacoma’s  Writing Center has announced that “there is no inherent ‘standard’ of English” and that “citing grammatical ‘correctness’ in the production of texts” can be a racist microaggression.

From Poor QT’s Almanack


On this day in history 225 years ago President Washington signed the Postal Service Act, creating the U.S. Post Office.
Socialist.

Intelligence briefings in the news


News Headline: “Did Trump make up a terrorist attack in Sweden?”
News Headline: “Trump clarifies remarks on Sweden: I got it from a Fox News story.”
Lesson learned.
Next time he’ll double-check with the National Enquirer.

QT loud guy at the end of the bar update


News Headline: “Spies keep intelligence from Donald Trump.”
C.G., a Chicago reader, writes:
“I’ve been wondering who kept it from him all these years.”
Stop it.
Stop it now.

WRITE TO QT:  qt@zaysmith.com

Breaking news. . . .

News Headline: “END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT.”
But is there a downside?

QT digest of President Trump’s recent responses to critics (for your convenience)

“I’m sorry for them. . . . I’m happy to dispose of this particular slander. . . . unreliable. . . . disloyal. . . . I might have said something. . . . He’ll only tell you lies. . . .  always fighting me. . . spreading wild rumors. . . Naturally, I can cover these things only from
memory. . . . “

No.
Wait.
That was Captain. Queeg of the U.S.S. Caine.
Sorry.

In other news. . . .


News Headline: “Drugs, despair and Trump.”
Can someone do something to cheer up our headline writers?

This just in. . . .


News Headline: “Man pleads guilty to possessing dead sheep and eel porn.”
A welcome respite from White House news.

Russian assets in the news


News Headline:
“6 unanswered questions after Michael Flynn’s resignation.”
1. What did the president know, and when did he know it?
2. What did the president know, and when did he know it?
3. What did the president know, and when did he know it?
4. What did the president know, and when did he know it?
5. What did the president know, and when did he know it?
6. What did the president know, and when did he know it?
Which seems to cover it.