Monthly Archives: May 2016

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QT politician-who-must-not-be-named update

Harry's Wand

News Headline: “J.K. Rowling defends Donald Trump’s right to be ‘offensive and
bigoted.’ “

As we all should.
But maybe Harry Potter’s wand could make a couple of small Trump adjustments:
Tarantallegra!
Langlock!
First we make him start dancing.
Then we glue his tongue to the roof of his mouth.
There. That’s better.

The narrow world of news

Missing EgyptAir
News Headline: “EgyptAir missing plane: How TV news will cover flight’s disappearance.”
As if transfixed.
As if nothing else was happening in the world today.

QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language

Trump and Friend

T.D., a Chicago reader, writes:
“Just how should we pronounce ‘bestiality’?”
The first syllable rhymes with  BEST, not BEEST.
Why do you ask?
And is this a good time for a reminder that  “err” rhymes with “fur”?
And “dour” rhymes with “your”?
And “sheik” rhymes with “cake”?
Remembering all these pronunciations is not everyone’s forte.
Which rhymes with “sort.”

WRITE TO QT:  qt@zaysmith.com

QT loud guy at the end of the bar update

Donald Trump

News Headline: “Melania Trump on her husband: ‘He’s not Hitler.’ “
News Headline: “Ivanka Trump on her father: ‘He’s not a groper.’ ”
QT Abridged Too Far Dictionary of the English Language:
presidential adj. 1. not Hitler. 2. not a groper. 3  which is about where we are these days.

Breaking news. . . .

Orangutan Ghost

News Headline:  “Orangutan ‘pretends’ to be a ghost for zoo visitors.”
No. It didn’t.
News Headline: “Cat becomes terrified while watching scary movie.”  
No. It didn’t.
News Headline: “Prepare to be hypnotized by these cute puppies eating their dinner.”
No. We won’t.
That should do it for today.

QT Summer Travel Advisory

Oak Street Beach

News Headline: “The 10 best beaches in the U.S.”
And time for a summer reminder that with each barefoot step you take on beach sand, you are stepping on hundreds and sometimes thousands of extremely tiny creatures, many with snapping jaws, spiked appendages and spidery hairs.
They are called meiofauna.
But you can’t see them.
So just don’t think about them.

This just in. . . .

NZ Tourist
A New Zealand man petitioning to require special tests and license plates for tourists who drive there:
Over the last five years there have been 13.6 fatalities involving overseas drivers. . . .”
Have you ever had one of those days when you feel like six-tenths of  fatality?

QT 2016 vote count countdown update

Donald Trump
News Headline: “100 nude women to descend on Cleveland for the GOP convention.”
News Headline: “Bikers for Trump to descend on Cleveland.”
News Headline: “Trump team comes to Cleveland to help design convention to his brand.”
Angry bikers confronting  nude women is a pretty good start.

And another thing. . . .

Fake Bomb
News Headline: “Suspect explosive device at Manchester United stadium ‘not viable.’ “  
When did “fake” become “not viable,” and when can we have fakes back?
News Headline:  “MPD involved in chase with mental consumer.”
And R.F., a Chicago reader, wants to know when “mental patient” became “mental consumer,” and when can we have mental patients back?
And. . . .

WRITE TO QT:  qt@zaysmith.com

This just in. . . .

Congress
News Headline: “Corruption: Is enough being done?”
Be patient.
Congress is negotiating payoffs as fast as it can.