Monthly Archives: March 2016

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Water conservation in the news

Trump Terrorist
News Headline: “Donald Trump says he’d bring back waterboarding and
‘much worse’ for terrorists.”
News Headline: “Trump supporter makes bomb, threatens to kill Muslims,
gets 90 days in jail.”
The two stories seemed to go together, for some reason.

Breaking news. . . .

Gun Fairy Tales
News Headline: “NRA rewrites classic fairy tales to include guns.”
Deep Woods Police meanwhile were seeking a fugitive dwarf in the mass shooting of six other dwarfs.
A shocked Snow White told investigators that Bashful was a quiet dwarf who had kept to himself. . . .

The national conversation in the news

GOP Convention
News Headline: “Donald Trump’s shocking ignorance, laid bare.”
News Headline: “Ted Cruz on ‘rat copulation’ as he blames Trump for sex smear.”
News Headline: “Thousands demand right to carry guns at GOP convention.”
The gavel comes down in 112 days.
Anticipation is half the joy.

QT Bureau of Waits and Half-Measures

Gym Shorts
News Headline: “9 stunning comparisons show how massive the universe is.”
News Headline: “Fan wins Chris Christie’s Reebok gym shorts in eBay auction.”
Make that 10 stunning comparisons.

QT Yellowstone Caldera (the eruptions of which can be violent enough to send a layer of ash six feet deep as far away as Chicago and which erupts every 600,000 or so years and last erupted 640,000 years ago) update

News Headline: “Ancient super-eruptions in Yellowstone track ‘significantly larger’
than expected.”
Bill McCormick, a Chicago reader, writes:
“Is it all right to panic and loot now?”
Not yet.
Not quite yet. . . .
And in the meantime:
Happy Easter!


QT 2016 vote count countdown update

Trump and Cruz
News Headline: “Donald Trump retweets wife comparison with Ted Cruz.”
MSNBC analystN ancy Giles regarding this latest campaign issue:
“Since when did a presidential campaign become a matter of who has the best-looking babe at his side? There’s no ad of guys running for president, standing seductively with their shirts off or pants down or–”
Wait. Warning.
Do not let yourself visualize Trump and Cruz with their–
Too late?

QT Sven a fellow needs a fiend update

Sven 4

Loyal readers know that MeTV’s “Svengoolie” is QT’s second favorite TV horror-comedy show after “Meet the Press.”
This Saturday night it will be even better than “Meet the Press.”
That is because it will feature QT and sons Bryant (left) and Zach throwing rubber chickens at
You will not see QT and sons during the historic moment.
But you will see the chickens–shortly after Svengoolie tells a joke having to do with the name of the movie, “The Invisible Man.”
And it is not known if the videotape will show the thrown chicken that ended up beaning Svengoolie.
Zach swears it was an accident.
But you should have heard the joke.

In other news. . . .

Syrian Refugess
News Headline: “Syrian refugees rescue anti-refugee German politician after
he crashes car.”
What will these people try next?

QT news you can use

Soaker Hose
Martha Stewart is preparing to reposition her soaker hoses as you read this.

People who should have walls built around them
in the news

GOP 2016 Debate

News Headline: “Pakistan: Unstable, nuclear-armed.”
News Headline: “Donald Trump won’t rule out using nukes against ISIS.”
So now we’ve gone and done it.
We’re becoming the Pakistan of NATO.