Monthly Archives: February 2016

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QT loud guy at the end of the bar update

Donald Trump
News Headline: “Nearly 20 percent of Donald Trump supporters disapprove of Lincoln freeing the slaves.”
The Trump phenomenon continues.
What can possibly explain it?
News Headline: “This is what a CT scan of a bumblebee’s brain looks like.”
Oh. Right.

This just in. . . .

Airplane Window
News Headline: “Why are plane windows round?”
A reporter’s mind wanders on a slow news day.

From Poor QT’s Almanack

Battle of Falkoeping
On this day in history 627 years ago, the Danes defeated the Swedes at the Battle of Falkoeping, which seemed important at the time.

In other news. . . .

London Zoo
News Headline: “Meerkat expert cleared of assaulting monkey handler in fight over
Doesn’t your life seem simpler now?

From the QT news ticker

Sea Change
News Headline: “Sea levels rose faster last century than in previous 2,700 years.”
News Headline: “Republicans reject climate change fears.”
News Headline: “Bacteria can see.”
News Headline: “Venus flytraps can count.”
But not the Republicans, evidently.

The wheels on the bus go round and round

Under the Bus
News Headline: “Hillary campaign throws Chelsea under the bus.”
News Headline: “Ted Cruz throws communications director under the bus.”
News Headline: “Trump calls Clinton ‘disloyal’ for throwing Sanders ‘under the bus.’ ”
News Headline: “Nation faces critical election-year bus shortage.”
Sorry. Made the last one up.

In other news. . . .

Kim Jong Un
News Headline: “North Korea’s nuclear tests ‘could jolt volcano back to life.’ ”
Something you don’t want to hear from a nuclear power:
“Hold my beer, and watch this.”

From the QT police blotter

Rubber Mallet
News Headline: “Robbery suspect with meat cleaver thwarted by victim with rubber mallet, police say.”
As we all know:
The only way to stop a bad guy with a meat cleaver is with a good guy with a rubber mallet.
Ask the National Rubber Mallet Association.

Breaking news. . . .

Drunk Monkey
News Headline: “Drunk monkey armed with knife chases bar patrons.”
A reminder that these things happen in threes.

QT loud guy at the end of the bar update

Donald Trump
News Headline: “Trump: I ‘always felt that I was in the military’ at military school.”
News Headline: “Trump in ’97: Avoiding VD while sleeping around similar to serving in Vietnam.”
As we hear again from the face Gen. Patton never had the chance to slap.