Monthly Archives: November 2015

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QT Early Warning System

Ten days remain until National Stress-Free Family Holidays Month.

QT what’s pasta is prologue update

+ Alex Springer, a Denver reader, regarding QT’s noting that a man arrested in a fight over a plate of noodles might need a spaetzle prosecutor, writes:
“I’m all for tortellini reform. But this is bolognese.”
+ Dan Skowron, a Romeoville, Ill., reader, writes:
“Can’t blame him. The other guy was making a pesto himself.”
+ Paul DeMarte, an Evanston, Ill., reader, writes:
“I don’t know if alcohol was involved. But it’s wrong to fight over noodles, drunk or soba.”
+ S.S., a Minneapolis reader, writes:
“So how ziti escape this ramen with the law?”
Stop it.
Stop it now.


QT 2016 vote count countdown update

Ted Cruz
News Headline: “Ted Cruz: Obama ‘does not wish to defend this country.’ ”
News Headline: “Ted Cruz: Obama’s radical ideology puts Americans in danger.”
QT neglected yesterday to mention that it was World Toilet Day.
Remembered it just now, for some reason.

We’ll always have Paris

Paris Hilton
News Headline: “Paris Hilton’s ‘meaning of life’ is to settle down.”
Now that she mentions it, has it been 3,074 days since she announced she was leaving public life?
Not that anyone is counting.

Going through that huge, beautiful door

Mexican Border
News Headline: “More Mexicans leaving than coming to the U.S.”
It isn’t easy for most of us to be in the same country with Donald Trump.

QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language

Peaks and Valleys
News Item: “. . . This peaked his interest in continuing his education to learn. . . . ”
. . . that life is filled with piques and valleys.


Breaking news. . . .

News Headline: “Suspected mastermind of Paris massacre killed in raid.”
QT Abridged Too Far Dictionary of the English Language:
mastermind noun 1. a person of outstanding intellect. 2. so let’s try again when we want to describe an ignorant zealot who led assaults on helpless innocents. 3. then again, not all news stories can be written by masterminds. . . .

QT loud guy at the end of the bar update

Donald Trump 1
News Headline: “Deferments helped Trump dodge Vietnam.”
News Headline: “Trump: I ‘always felt I was in the military’ at military school.”
News Headline: “Donald Trump promises to ‘bomb the hell out of ISIS’ in new ad.”
It is not known if the warrior rose briefly from his armchair to make this announcement.

Greetings and facilitations

News Headline: “NRA, Republicans block proposed law to block suspected terrorists from buying guns in U.S.”
Note to terrorists:
Don’t worry.
You are not alone.
There are those who will help.

Mental acuity in the news

Ben Carson
News Headline: “Ben Carson: Anyone with ‘big frontal lobes’ knows that Syrian refugees should be banned.”
MRI scans of the head can be misleading.
It is sometimes easy to confuse a big frontal lobe with a large bone.