QT news you can use

Pumpkins
Martha Stewart wants you to know that the equipment you will need to  carve a Halloween pumpkin includes a keyhole saw, a sabre saw, a wood gouge, a linoleum cutter, a hole cutter, a plaster scraper, a melon-ball scooper and a power drill.

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As the Halloween Asteroid approaches. . . .

Asteroid Miss
News Headline: “Sizable asteroid will offer flyby scare on Halloween.”
Not much of a scare.
Asteroid 2015 TB145 will pass well outside the moon’s orbit.
Best we can tell.
As opposed to Asteroid  2015 UM53, which was discovered yesterday, three days after it passed between Earth and the moon.
But be reassured:
It isn’t as if asteroids are coming between Earth and the moon undiscovered every day.
That has happened only six times this year.
Best we can tell.

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This just in. . . .

Ben Carson
Ben Carson regarding his younger years:
“I would go after people with rocks and bricks, and baseball bats, and hammers.”
Let’s be fair.
It can take anyone a while to perfect neurosurgery techniques.

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