Monthly Archives: September 2015

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In case the sky falls

Space Invasion
News Headline: “Advanced aliens could ‘conquer and colonize’ our planet,
warns Stephen Hawking.”
Only stupid and incompetent people would let this happen.
What we’ll do is build a really big fence across the Solar System.
And Mars is going to pay for it.

This just in. . . .

Mushroom Woman
News Headline: “Woman dresses as mushroom to raise awareness about student debt.”
Maybe now people will start to take this issue seriously.

The Making of the President 2016nado!

Hannity News
Rep. Kevin McCarthy (R-Calif.) letting slip to Sean Hannity the motivation behind 18 months of Benghazi hearings:
“Everybody thought Hillary Clinton was unbeatable, right? But we put together a Benghazi special committee. A select committee. What are her numbers today? Her numbers are dropping.”
A McCarthy spokesman later issued a statement saying the Benghazi hearings have “nothing to do with politics.”
And has it been 2,361 days since Sean Hannity promised he would undergo waterboarding to show it isn’t torture?
Not that anyone is counting.

The Not Me Decade, in which everybody else is responsible for everything, continues

Escaped Inmate
A man who escaped briefly from the Metropolitan Correctional Center in Chicago sued the jail because it neglected its responsibility to prevent his escape, resulting in a trauma he suffered while dangling from a makeshift rope.

QT loud guy at the end of the bar update

WASHINGTON, DC - JULY 23: Donald Trump listens at the Trump International Hotel Washington, D.C Groundbreaking Ceremony at Old Post Office on July 23, 2014 in Washington, DC. (Photo by Paul Morigi/WireImage)

News Headline: “Donald Trump’s Fox boycott: ‘Foreseeable future’ lasts 1 week.”
Add foreseeable futures to the list of things that aren’t what they used to be.
News Headline: “Donald Trump: I’ve been a ‘little childish.’ ”
But understatement is alive and well.

QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language

Grizzy Driver
News Headline: “Cops arrest suspected hit-and-run driver in grizzly Boro Park crash.”
And why New York City allows bears to drive cars, we may never know.

Cruel and usual

This photo taken June 12, 2013 shows empty and recently filled graves in the Joe Byrd Cemetery in Huntsville, Texas. The cemetery, commonly known as Peckerwood Hill, contains the remains of unclaimed Texas prison inmates. (AP Photo/Pat Sullivan)

News Headline: “Illegal immigrant accused of gruesome executions in Texas.”
Not acceptable.
Texas is proud of performing all its own gruesome executions.

QT news you can use

Child's Eyes
New Headline: “9 reasons you should view the world through a child’s eyes.”
No.
Won’t.
Won’t won’t won’t won’t won’t.

Fishing expeditions in the news

Fishing Gadget
News Headline: “Ingenious ‘tiny hands’ gadget allows anglers to exaggerate size of their catch in photos.”
News Headline: “The GOP agenda: Clinton’s emails, Benghazi and Planned Parenthood.”
Some of the agenda will have to wait.
The gadgets are still on order.

To boldly go. . . .

Mars Water
News Headline: “Life on Mars? NASA says planet appears to have flowing water.”
Let’s see.
Transcontinental railroad,  national parks, Panama Canal, Social Security, rural electrification, D-Day, G.I. Bill, interstate highways, moon landing. . . .
. . . and now at the edge of what might be history’s greatest discovery.
Had enough big government?
So has QT.