Monthly Archives: August 2015

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The magic of the free marketplace

Wall Street
News Headline: “Dow plunges 1,000 points after stock market opening.”
News Headline: “Dow up 350 points.”
News Headline: “Dow closes down another 250 points.”
News Headline: “Dow jumps up 619 points.”
As we continue the final countdown to National Humor in Business Month.

QT loud guy at the end of the bar update

Donald Trump
News Headline: “Donald Trump refuses to apologize for McCain remarks.”
News Headline: “Donald Trump refuses to apologize to Megyn Kelly.”
News Headline: “Donald Trump refuses to apologize for stepping on man’s foot, saying the other man was stupid for putting his foot where it could be stepped on.”
Sorry. Made the last one up.

QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language

Drunk Horse
News Item: “. . .  The horse must be examined yearly by a veterinarian, and may not be ridden in extreme heat or cold or while drunk. . . .”
K.R., a Baltimore reader, wonders who is getting these horses drunk.
News Item: “. . . that redshirt sophomore reserve guard Austin Sanders tore his bicep and would miss the remainder of the year. . . .”
S.B., a Milwaukee, Wis., reader, reminds us that we can tear the biceps in one arm–or both bicepses in both arms.
But neither arm has a bicep.
And is it past time for QT’s semiannual reminder that possession isn’t “nine-tenths of the law” but “nine points of the law”?
Evidently.

WRITE TO QT:  
qt@zaysmith.com

Or think of them as highly imaginative

Capitol Dome
News Item: “The White House says President Barack Obama’s reference to ‘the crazies’ in Congress may have been ‘a little too flip’ and. . . .”
No.
There are reasons President Obama can be criticized.
But not for his elegant gift of understatement.

This just in. . . .

Talking Points
News Headline:
“Court: Second Amendment also covers those in U.S. illegally.”
When Republican talking point collides with Republican talking point. . . .

Embraceable you. . . .

Embraceable You
News Headline: “Rush Limbaugh embraces Donald Trump.”
Wait.
Warning.
Do not attempt to visualize this.
Too late?
Sorry.

Frontiers of science

Space Whiskey
News Headline: “Japan delivers whiskey to space station–for science.”
That’s their story, and they’re sticking to it.

The national conversation

Donald Trump Holds Campaign Rally In Mobile, Alabama
News Headline: “. . . the anti-establishment sentiment on the right is fueled in part by. . . .”
Hard to pin down.
But a good bet is crystal meth.

Civilization as we know it in the news

SYRIA-CONFLICT-CLASHES-AVIATION
News Headline: “ISIS militants who contracted HIV from sex slaves to be used as
suicide bombers.”
For those keeping track of the dawning of the Age of Aquarius.

The Making of the President 2016nado!

Bobby Jindal
News Headline: “Jindal joins Trump in opposing birthright citizenship.
Bobby Jindal was born in the United States but to immigrant parents who weren’t citizens at the time.
So now we have a way to narrow the field of Republican presidential candidates.
We can deport one.