Monthly Archives: March 2015

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Observed behavior

House Chamber
News Headline: “Wall Street writes bills, Washington passes them.”
News Headline: “Behavioral study shows that rats know how to return a favor.”
The two stories seemed to go together, for some reason.

In theory. . . .

Universe
News Headline: “Study: Universe may have had no beginning.”
News Headline: “Donald Trump still not convinced Obama’s birth certificate is real.”
And some things may have no end.

We have seen the present, and it does not work

Glendale Debt
The Arizona city of Glendale, deeply in debt from spending on pro sports facilities, is considering a plan to service the debt by selling one of its library branches.

Simplicity itself

LGBTTQQ
Wesleyan University of Connecticut has established a student center for the school’s lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, transsexual, queer, questioning, flexual, asexual, genderf–k, polyamorous, bondage/discipline, dominance/submission and sadism/masochism communities–or, as the school refers to it, LGBTTQQFAGPBDSM.

Win some, lose some

Seat Belt
State Sen. Eric Brakey, a Maine Tea Party Republican, on his bill to revoke the state’s seat-belt law:
“You have the right to make those personal decisions for yourself.”
If this bill passes, we might see every Tea Party libertarian in Maine driving without seat belts.
So some problems eventually solve themselves.

Modern education + the criminal mind =

A Nebraska man was arrested during a police search when marijuana was found hidden in a container the man had labeled “Not Weed,” police said.

Nature’s ferocious predators

Ann Coulter
News Headline: “Ann Coulter will play the vice president in ‘Sharknado 3.’ ”
In a related development, the studio announced that no sharks will be harmed in the making of this movie.

Origin of the specious

Noah's Ark
News Headline: “Idaho Republican asks if a woman can swallow a camera for a gynecological exam.”
News Headline: “Nevada Republican says cancer is a fungus you can flush out of your body with saltwater.”
News Headline: “Poll shows Republicans rejecting evolution.”
. . . and these days seem their own best evidence

Allies in action

King Salman
News Headline: “Obama refuses to call ISIS Islamic extremists.”
News Headline: “Saudi Arabia court gives death penalty to man who renounced
his Muslim faith.”
As long as President Obama is on the subject of Islamic extremists. . . .

Misplaced modifiers

John Boehner
News Headline: “John Boehner concedes the House a ‘rambunctious place.’ ”
QT Abridged Too Far Dictionary of the English Language:
rambunctious adj. 1. boisterous. 2. noisy. 3. dishonest. 4. ignorant 5. hateful. 6. delusional. 7. almost totally depraved at times. 6. have we left anything out?