News Headline: “Detroit Lions player injures self while taunting opponent.”
Sometimes life is fair.
News Headline: “Government scientists try to take the stink out of pig manure.”
Congress returns from recess in 51 days.
The scientists are racing against time.
Sen. Ron Johnson (R-Wis.) when asked if he believes the NFL should lose its tax-exempt status:
“We have far higher priorities than really arguing about this. . . . Listen, we are mortgaging our children’s future, we’re facing the threat of Islamic jihad. . . .”
For the politician in someone’s pocket, ISIS has its uses.
News Headline: “Pope Francis on gays: ‘Who am I to judge?’ ”
News Headline: “Pope Francis to world: Redistribute the wealth.”
News Headline: “Pope Francis: ‘Even the atheists’ can go to heaven.”
News Headline: “Pope marries couples who have cohabited, had children.”
News Headline: “How Pope Francis could turn out to be a stealth reformer.”
Add stealth to the list of things that aren’t what they used to be.
News Headline: “Jetblue with new CEO seen poised for revenue boost with bag fees.”
News Headline: “Jetblue emergency landing: Engine ‘exploded,’ smoked billowed.”
This is what can happen when passengers don’t pay the Non-Exploding Engine Fee.
News Headline: “Scotland rejects independence from Britain, in a close vote.”.
So there it is.
Mel Gibson was hanged, drawn and quartered for no reason.
Then again, come to think of it, is there any shortage of reasons to hang, draw and quarter Mel Gibson?
News Headline: “What does an atom sound like? Apparently, a D-note.”
That would be in the key of C.
Scientists earlier estimated that the average color of all of outer space is beige.
And the smell is faintly metallic.
Or think of the universe as dull party that seems to go on forever.
Good thing we’re here to liven it up.
News Headline: “Ancient ‘moon god’ monument unearthed in Israel.”
Sometimes we need to remind ourselves:
There was a time when many of us believed in mystical deities based on wishful thinking.
News Headline: “House Republicans shoot down measure to extend spousal benefits to gay veterans.”
Why do House Republicans hate our troops and America?
News Headline: “Boehner: ‘I have a few knuckleheads in my conference.’ ”
OK. So that’s one explanation.