Monthly Archives: July 2014

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From the QT news ticker

News TickerNews Headline: “Thieves in Houston make off with hair extensions.”
Police are combing the area.
News Headline: “Two portable toilets destroyed by arson in Rockland area.”
Investigators say they have nothing to go on.
News Headline: “Another massive hole opens in Siberia.”
Scientists are looking into it.
News Headline: “GOP House candidate Bob Frey believes dinosaurs live with humans.”
Sometimes the news is too sad for jokes.

Scientific measurements

Michele Bachmann
News Headline: “Mapping the spider genome: Surprising similarities to humans.”
News Headline: “Michele Bachmann: Obama wants to use child immigrants for medical experiments.”
And some spiders are more poisonous than others.

QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language

News Item:
“. . . Officials in Oakland closed the trail after the runaway pig scared two children walking on it between Messalonskee middle and high schools. . . .”
Katherine Rylaarsdam, a Baltimore reader, writes:
“What in the world were the children doing walking on a pig?”
And  F.T., a Seattle reader, writes:
“This isn’t about our forest fires. But especially this week, everywhere I look in the news, there are firestorms. Political firestorms. Social media firestorms. Diplomatic firestorms. . . . ”
Not to worry.
A flood of criticism should put them out.
Maybe with the help of an avalanche of protest.


She pulled the gun between 1 p.m. and 4 p.m.

News Headline:
“New Mexico woman allegedly pulls gun on Comcast worker over cable fees.”
The trick for prosecutors will be finding a jury that would convict her.

QT Worldwide Man-Bites-Dog Pinpoint Locator

Buddy 5
There have been no reports of a man biting a dog so far during the dog days of summer, but police in Ohio County, W.Va., questioned a woman Tuesday after she was reported walking a naked man on a leash.
This is the 27th dog day of summer.
There are 13 dog days to go.


SharkLenar Whitney

News Headline: “GOP candidate says climate change is ‘the greatest deception in the history of mankind.’ ”
News Headline: ” ‘Palin of the South’ House candidate flees from interview over Obama birth question.”
News Headline: “The most frightening congressional candidate I’ve met in seven years of interviewing congressional hopefuls.”
“Sharknado 2” is being marketed as “pretty scary.”
The Tea Party is up to the challenge.

From Poor QT’s Almanack

Medicare Signing
On this day in history 49 years ago President Lyndon B. Johnson signed Medicare into law, and not a single Republican leader questioned his love of country or called him a lawless tyrant because, in those days,  people who said those kinds of things were mostly found in basements mimeographing leaflets to hand out on street corners.
For those who like to reminisce.

QT Worldwide Man-Bites-Dog Pinpoint Locator

Buddy 5
There have been no reports of a man biting a dog so far during the dog days of summer, but there is a new survey regarding dog popularity:
News Headline: “Dogs preferred over cats in U.S. by a hair.”
News Headline: “Tennessee is a top dog for canine owners.”
News Headline: “Meowsachusetts: Where the cats play and the–”
Stop it.
Stop it now.
This is the 26th dog day of summer.
There are 14 dog days to go.

If placed end to end. . . .

Nut and Wiener
News Headline: “Nutmobile and Wienermobile visiting area.”
It is a little-known fact that the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile is, at 27 feet long,  the same length as the Planters Nutmobile.
And sometimes facts are little-known for a reason.

All’s well that ends wells

News Headline:
“BP oil spill is much worse than people think, scientists say.”
News Headline: “Lawyers for Gulf spill victims say BP trying to renege on payments.”
News Headline: “BP warns Russian sanctions will hurt profits.”
If you look hard enough, there is a bright spot to even the Ukraine crisis.