News Headline: “Obama defends sweeping surveillance efforts.”
News Headline: “Obama skirts laws with ‘signing statements.’ ”
News Headline: “Obama: U.S. troops to stay in Afghanistan after this year.”
News Headline: “Why are no Wall Street executives in jail?”
The Tea Party misreads current events.
President Obama is not a secret Muslim.
He’s a secret Republican.
Today’s Birthdays: George III, 276; Apple II, 37.
News Headline: “GOP Science Committee chair begins hearing by saying scientific climate change consensus has been ‘debunked.’ ”
Keeping in mind that nine members of the House Science Committee belong to the House Prayer Caucus, which has been known to pray for rain.
News Headline: “Secret Service has new software that detects sarcasm on the Internet.”
Still working on subtle irony.
News Headine: “The partying life is tough! Paris Hilton recharges her batteries heading to healing center after Cannes Film Festival.”
Can it be 2,538 days since Paris Hilton announced she was leaving public life?
Not that anyone is counting.
News Headline: “More Americans trust Fox News.”
News Headline: “Man orders penis enlarger, gets magnifying glass instead.”
The two stories seemed to go together, for some reason.
News Headline: “Oklahoma City gun range gets liquor license.”
As we add to the Oklahoma City chapter in QT’s Travel Guide to U.S. Cities You’ll Want to Stay Out of for Any Number of Reasons.
Scientists report that the magma beneath Yellowstone is “potentially more stable” than previously thought.
But it “remains unclear” how this might be affected by “lateral variations in porosity, permeability, temperature and rheology.”
Which isn’t to mention that the entire area has risen nearly an inch since the start of the year.
So we won’t mention it.
News Headline: “Los Angeles sues JPMorgan over ‘predatory loans.’ ”
Keeping mind that corporations are people, too.
And some people are muggers.
News Headline: “Students place goat on school roof.”
News Headline: “Students release hundreds of crickets in school.”
News Headline: “Ann Arbor students list their high school for sale on Craigslist.”