Jordan D. Haskins, Republican candidate for the Michigan House, changing the subject from reports of his past arrests for breaking into cars and masturbating while cranking the engines:
“The three values that make up my stool of conservatism are faith, family and freedom.”
So to review:
Tea Party Republicans so far this year have given us:
+ A candidate who says the Second Amendment guarantees the right to own nuclear weapons.
+ A candidate who accuses his opponent of being a robot body-double for a man secretly executed by a world court in Ukraine.
+ A candidate arrested repeatedly for masturbating in other people’s cars.
Which isn’t to mention the stool sample of conservatism.
So we won’t.
Bill Clinton arguing that Hillary Clinton is not, as her opponents like to say, out of touch:
“. . . She advocated and worked as a senator for things that were good for
ordinary people. . . .”
QT Abridged Too Far Dictionary of the English Language:
ordinary adj. 1. standard. 2. routine.3. what politicians of both parties often call the people who vote for them. 4. while trying to show the common touch.
News Headline: “Supreme Court says employers with religious objections can refuse to pay for contraception.”
The Supreme Court has already taught us that corporations are people.
Now we know that the corporations that are people may claim religious beliefs, which are more important than the rights or concerns of the people who work for the corporations that are people.
Or did these people really think they were people?
News Headline: ”Republican Party makes plans for a bigger tent.”
News Headline: “GOP candidate claims opponent is dead, was replaced with lookalike after he was ‘executed in Ukraine.’ ”
Note to the GOP:
Your circus is getting scary.
News Item: “. . . Top CEOs were paid 331 times more than the average U.S. worker in
2013. . . . the poorest fifth of Americans paid an average tax rate of 11 percent, while the richest one percent contributed half that rate. . . .”
News Item: “. . . Wide majorities of steadfast conservatives (86 percent) and business conservatives (77 percent) say poor people have it easy. . . .”
Strange times we live in when the muggers critique the victims.
News Item: “. . . The economy was held back by an unusually cold winter, the expiration of long-term unemployment benefits and cuts to food stamps, which curbed consumer
spending. . . .”
Blocked by the Republicans.
Cut by the Republicans.
A cold winter?
Well. Can’t quite give them credit for that.
Almost hit a GOP trifecta.
News Headline: “Millions of Americans cheer World Cup heroes.”
And on from the Group of Death to the Sweet Sixteen!
A happy sight, in these divided times, to see millions of Americans pretending together to enjoy watching soccer.
Then again, name another sport where we get to see players writhing on the ground in fake agony so often.
It is an improvement baseball might consider.
News Headline: “Abubakar warns against turning Nigeria into a police state.”
A timely warning for Nigeria.
News Headline: “Report points to ‘dangerous militarization’ of U.S. law enforcement.”
News Headline: “U.S. leads world in incarceration rate.”
News Headline: “NSA granted extension to collect phone data.”
News Headline: “Surveillance cameras raise privacy concerns.”
As long as you’re handing out warnings. . . .
News Item: “. . . That time, the tremblor and its associated tsunami hit right outside Anchorage. . . .”
F.R., a Chicago reader, writes:
“It sends shudders every time I see ‘tremblor’ instead of ‘temblor.’ ”
And is it past time for QT’s annual reminder that oral contracts are always verbal, but verbal contracts aren’t always oral?
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News Headline: “Dissecting the complexities of the Iraq crisis.”
We’re talking about a religious war.
Religious wars have for centuries been among humanity’s most simple-minded pastimes.
Dissection of complexities done.