Matthew Walker, 19, who will campaign this year for his father, Wisconsin Gov. Scott
Walker (R), explaining to a reporter where he is on the political spectrum:
“Somewhere between Chris Christie and Rand Paul.”
This young politician has a decision to make.
He can’t remain “somewhere between.”
He will have to choose at some point between shiftiness and asininity.
News Headline: “UCLA rejects $3M gift from Donald Sterling for kidney research.”
Note to those with kidney diseases who wait and hope for research breakthroughs:
UCLA couldn’t miss the chance to speak out loudly about its “core values” of “diversity” and “inclusion.”
And when are the lives of the sick too high a price to pay for that?
News Headline: “Shares of Twitter dropped in trading Wednesday to their lowest point since the company went public in November. Investor concern remains over”
Sorry. Ran out of characters.
News Headline: “21 wonderful words for wind.”
News Headline: “What if you piled every human on Earth into the Grand Canyon?”
When reporters have time on their hands. . . .
News Headline: “Dark matter could send asteroids crashing into Earth.”
Wait. Take it easy.
Chances are we wouldn’t even see it coming.
So there isn’t anything to worry about.
News Headline: “House passes Ryan budget with big cuts to foods stamps, Medicaid, student aid.”
News Headline: “House votes to give D.C. more penthouses.”
C’mon, Tea Party.
The least you can do is be a little more subtle.
News Headline: “Cliven Bundy’s racism should have been easy to predict.”
News Headline: “LA Clippers owner Donald Sterling banned for life.”
Good. Now we can go back to waiting to be wildly astonished at the next public figure to let his racism slip.
Redmond High School in Redmond, Ore., has named 29 valedictorians.
News Headline: “Head injury turns man into math whiz.”
News Headline: “Math error halts Bank of America’s stock buyback and dividend increase.”
We might want to consider lining up all the bank executives on Wall Street and slapping each in the face.
You know. To help with the math.
News Headline: “Film crew finds Atari ET games in New Mexico archaeological dig.”
Archaeologists finding video games?
Feeling a little older now, are we?