Is the end nearly near?

News Headline: “Warning: The universe could be about ready to collapse on us.”
Hey. C’mon. Cheer up.
The universe isn’t everything.

News Headline: “Smaller asteroids can be far more dangerous than previously believed.”
Probably referring to such asteroids as Asteroid 2013 XS21, which was discovered three days after it grazed our atmosphere last week.
But at worst, if it had hit Earth, it would have destroyed everything for only a mile around.
It isn’t as if the whole universe would have fallen on us or something.
Oh. Right.
Never mind.

News Headline: “Justin Bieber’s photo with Will Smith is Instagram’s most-like photo of 2013.”
News Headline: “The ‘peanut butter series’ on Instagram shows dogs at their goofiest.”
Or look at it this way:
If the universe collapses, it will take Instagram with it.

David Buxton of the British Deaf Association regarding the fake interpreter at the memorial service for Nelson Mandela:
“It was hours of complete nonsense.”
In other news, Fox News has hired a new. . . .

News Headline: “Santas brawl  on New York street corner.”
News Headline: “City orders sex toys removed from Christmas tree in square.”
Ho, Ho, Ho!

Trickle-On Economics Update:
The Walton family, which owns Walmart, has more wealth than the bottom 42 percent of Americans combined.
Ho, Ho, Ho!

QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language:
D.K., a Chicago reader, writes:
“It isn’t ‘these kind’ or ‘those kind.’ It’s ‘these kinds‘ and ‘those kinds.’ ”
Thanks. But no one who reads QT makes this mistake.
QT doesn’t attract those kind.

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