On the second day of Christmas. . . .

QT Christmas News You Can Use:
A word to those who are out of work–or know others who are–while the merriment happens all around:
The outplacement firm Challenger, Gray & Christmas will offer free job-search and career advice to anyone who calls on December 26 and 27.
The number is (312) 422-5010.
The hours are 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. CST.
And remember:
There are Twelve Days of Christmas.
And a New Year after that.

News Headline: “NH school calls police on Santa Claus spreading ‘holiday cheer.’ ”
Ho, Ho, Ho!

News Headline: “Beef O’Brady’s Bowl: Will East Carolina show up?”
OK. Just once during the 35 bowls of the bowl season, wouldn’t it be something to see if one of the teams actually didn’t show up?

+R.G., a Key West, Fla., reader, regarding QT’s asking readers to stop playing games with its suspicion that it is being overcharged by its electric company, writes:
“An electric company ought to conduct itself properly.”
+ Dave Carr, an Owen Sound, Ontario, reader, writes:
“You have to give credit to the company for being its ohm master.”
+ Dan Skowron, a Romeoville, Ill., reader, writes:
“Talk about re-volting.”
+ William Ferry, a Lafayette, La., reader, writes:
“Watt’s the current status?”
+ Stephen J. Smith, a Minneapolis reader, writes:
“I haven’t the energy for this.”
Sorry. No  time any more.
We need to prepare for Christmas.
Well, except for:
Who hides in a bakery at Christmastime?
A mince spy.
There was just time for that.

News Headline: “Small Alabama town accidentally hires black drag queens to dance in Christmas parade.”
Ho, Ho, Ho!

News Headline: “Drunken elf arrested.”
Ho, Ho, Ho!

And one more thing:
Merry (this statement is offered without representation or warranty as to the effects or repercussions thereof upon any and all persons who might elect to celebrate the holiday as represented therein and with the understanding that any persons taking such actions without such representation or warranty do so with  the express understanding that they have agreed to indemnify and hold QT harmless from the effects thereof) Christmas!


Write to QT at zaysmith.qt@gmail.com

QT will resume Friday

And Merry Christmas again!


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The sins of wages

News Headline: “Why is Pope Francis promoting sin?”
Interesting point.
The pope is being scolded here for his disapproval of the growing gap between the  rich and poor.
This means he is promoting envy.
News Headline: “Top 1 percent own 46 percent of global wealth.”
Which brings us to gluttony.

News Headline: “Italy denounced for hosing down migrants in the cold.”
But a good way to interest the Tea Party in an immigration bill.

News Headline: “Salvation Army bell ringer punched for saying ‘Happy Holidays’  instead of ‘Merry Christmas.’ ”
Ho, Ho, Ho!

News Headline: “White House to tap Microsoft exec to fix HealthCare.gov.”
Can we ask more of a news story than that it provide its own punch line?

Mike Gallery, a Crystal Lake, Ill., reader, writes:
“Every time I buy a gallon of gas for $3.29 9/10 and pay $3.30, I should receive a tenth of a cent in change but never do. Where is all my change going?”
Funny you should mention it.
QT has been going over its electric bill.
The bill charges, for various services, $0.02513, $0.00120, and $0.00186 per kilowatt hour.
These charges are rounded upward.
QT calculates that the company this month has slipped itself an extra .726 of a cent.
Then again, who better than the electric company to overcharge?

News Headline: “Justin Bieber tells fans ‘I’m retiring’ on L.A. radio show.”
In a related development, it has now been 2,371 days since Paris Hilton announced she was leaving public life.
Not that anyone is counting.

News Headline: “Poll: Only 8 percent of Americans believe congressional members honest, ethical.”
OK. About 1 percent of Americans are in prison.
Figure the other 7 percent are still on the lam.

QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language:
News Item: “. . . be aware that  Poinsettas, mistletoe and some other plants are toxic to pets. . . .”
Nothing to be wary of.
There is no such thing as a Poinsetta.
Or a poinsetta.
What we need to worry about are poinsettias.
News Item: “. . . Missile Toe, Poinsettias, Hollies, Lilies can all be toxic to pets. . . .”
Never mind.


Write to QT at zaysmith.qt@gmail.com

QT appears Monday, Wednesday and Friday

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A warning for the Senate

News Headline: “Senate holds second all-night session as Republicans protest.”
The Senate should be careful.
Sleep deprivation can cause impaired judgment and delusional behavior.
Oh. Right.
Never mind.

News Headline: “Three large truths obscured by Republican Obamacare lies.”
News Headline: “Obama health care promise named ‘Lie of the Year.’ ”
Or do you have something against bipartisanship?

News Headline: “Harvard researchers discover mortality benefits of nut consumption.”
News Headline: “Fox News dominates November cable TV news ratings.”
The two stories seemed to go together, for some reason.

News Headline: “Earthquake expert: ‘Imagine America without Los Angeles.’ ”
But is there a downside?

News Headline: “Vanity Fair looks back at 100 years.”
Vanity Fair ceased publication between 1936 and 1983.
M.M., an Atlanta reader, says we can add centuries to the list of things that aren’t what they used to be.

QTT New E-Book Novel  60606, Which Has Been Called Suspenseful and Hilarious and Can Be Purchased AT THIS HANDY LOCATION, Name Your Price, Update:
No update today.

News Headline: “Knife-wielding Santa robs post office.”
Ho, Ho, Ho!

Beware the ides of National Stress-Free Holiday Month.

QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language:
Rich Rzadzki, a Chicago reader, writes:
“Noticed something the other day that occurs too often. It’s the misuse of  ‘that’ for  ‘who’ or ‘whom.’ Instead of  ‘a person who,’ we see ‘a person that.’ ”
“Who” for persons.
“That” for things.
Example: Ted Cruz is a politician that bears watching.

QT’s NEW E-BOOK NOVEL  60606 is available here

Write to QT at zaysmith.qt@gmail.com

QT appears Monday, Wednesday and Friday

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Taking inventory

News Headline: “Clueless, heartless and gutless: Today’s GOP.”
Wait a minute.

News Headline: “Sarah Palin returns to reality TV with new TV show.”
News Headline: “200,000 people apply to live on Mars.”
The two stories seemed to go together, for some reason.

News Headline: “Obama’s Trans-Pacific Partnership may undermine public health, environment, Internet all at once.”
And we haven’t even seen the rollout yet.

The Case for Zero Tolerance of Modern School Administrators:
+ An elementary school in Canon City, Colo., suspended a
6-year-old boy and placed an allegation of “sexual harassment” in his file because he kissed the cheek of 6-year-old girl he liked.
+ The median grade at Harvard University is an A-.

News Item: “. . . estimates that as many as 340,000 veterans rely on federal or state rental assistance. About 900,000 veterans live on food stamps, and an additional 5,000 active-duty service members are food stamp recipients. . . .”
Aren’t you tired of these freeloaders?

News Headline: “Santa warns in Greenpeace video Christmas will be canceled due to global warming.”
Ho, Ho, Ho!

News Headline: “Yellowstone supervolcano ‘even more colossal.’ ”
Evidently something about a finding that the Yellowstone Caldera (the eruptions of which can be violent enough to send a layer of ash six feet deep as far away as Chicago and which erupts every 600,000 or so years and last erupted 640,000 years ago) is “a much larger system” than previously thought.
Ho, Ho, Ho!

QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language:
News Item: “. . . Santas, elves, reindeer, snowpersons. . . .”
News Item: “. . . while children each form a snowperson. . . .”
Why does QT find itself looking for a hairdryer and an extension cord?

QT’s NEW E-BOOK NOVEL  60606 is available here

Write to QT at zaysmith.qt@gmail.com

QT appears Monday, Wednesday and Friday

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The season to be merry. . . .


News Headline: “For 20 years, the U.S. launch code at Minuteman silos was 00000000.”
Not to worry. The launch code has been fixed.
Changed it to the president’s birthday.

News Headline: “Wage strikes planned at fast-food outlets.”
See? This is what happens when our job creators let the servant class get uppity.

News Headline: “Obama refers to ‘tea-baggers’ in alleged handwritten letter.”
So now, on top of everything else, we see this socialist thug usurper calling names.

R.R., a Chicago reader, writes:
“You really do believe in shameless promotion, don’t you.”
Are you referring to QT’s promotion of its new e-book novel 60606, which has been called suspenseful and hilarious and can be purchased AT THIS HANDY LOCATION, name your price, and what are you waiting for?
Tell you what.
QT won’t be promoting it any more.

Then again, it won’t be promoting it any less

News Headline: “Dems say Boehner blocking farm bill, wants more food stamp cuts.”
Maybe it’s time we realized that the Republicans are the true Party of Change.
And they like to keep the change.

News Headline: “Poll: Americans don’t trust one another.”
Or is that what the pollsters would like us to think?

QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language:
And now that it’s time to start thinking of Christmas, T.S., a Chicago reader, reminds us that is it isn’t “God rest ye, merry gentlemen” but “God rest ye merry, gentlemen.”
Ho, Ho, Ho!

QT’s new novel 60606 is available here.

Write to QT at zaysmith.qt@gmail.com

QT appears Monday, Wednesday and Friday.

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