Send in the birthers. . . .

News Headline: “Trump, Palin top guest list for Billy Graham’s birthday.”
Nothing helps a birthday party more than clowns.

News Headline: “Will insularity, incompetence and lies doom Obamacare?”
That’s a little overboard, isn’t it?

News Headline: “Guns & Ammo columnist fired for backing gun training.”
QT Abridged Too Far Dictionary of the English Language:
Second Amendment noun 1. an amendment to the U.S. Constitution guaranteeing the right to keep and bear arms as necessary to maintain a state militia. 2. but just try to regulate it, even a little, for public safety. 3. because the gun enthusiasts will come back at you like selfish three-year-olds. 4. anything to protect their toys. 5. hey, dictionaries have to vent, too.

News Headline: “Rand Paul moves column to Breitbart after plagiarism stir.”
A surprising move.
Breitbart is usually scrupulous about creating its own fabrications.

News Headline: “More asteroid strikes are likely, scientists say.”
Could the scientists be referring to Asteroids 2013 TL127, 2013 UR1, 2013 UX2 and 2013 UV3?
Which were discovered in the past month after passing between Earth and the moon?
Or Asteroid 2013 VN5, which was discovered this morning, four days after it skimmed the moon’s orbit?
These scientists are a panicky lot

News Headline: “How to make delicious homemade popcorn on the stove.”
Slow news day.

QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language:
+ Beverly Feldt, a Homewood, Ill., reader, regarding another reader’s mention that the accent in “pastoral” is on the first syllable, writes:
“Ditto ‘doctoral’ and ‘mayoral.’ And do we have to go into ‘comptroller’?”
You are referring to the fact that “comptroller” should be pronounced the same as “controller.”
Which not even some comptrollers understand.
+ M.B., a Chicago reader, writes:
“More and more, I’ve been hearing professional speakers at solemn (and apparently unrehearsed) occasions pronounce ‘irrevocable’ as ir-eh-VOKE-able. P.S. Props on your new book. I’ll have to buy it when it hits print.”
You are referring to QT’s novel 60606, which is now available AT THIS HANDY LOCATION.
Sorry. No print.
But versions are sent out in Basic, Kindle, Nook and iBook.
Now we can get back to mispronunciations.
Which seem these days to be out of comptrol.

Write to QT at

QT appears Monday, Wednesday and Friday.

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