Monthly Archives: October 2013

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What, Fox News worry?

Sean Hannity lightly dismissing reports of hardship for millions because of the Republican government shutdown:
“This doesn’t impact me mentally.”
As the search goes on for anything that ever has.

News Headline: “Fox News host says ‘sob stories’ from veterans will prompt Republicans to cave on the shutdown.”
And Fox News wants you to know it  has heard just about enough of this crybaby nonsense about our war veterans.
Especially the ones hanging around in wheelchairs.

The Case for Zero Tolerance of Modern School Administrators:
Springdale High School in Pennsylvania turned away a girl on crutches because the crutches could be used as a weapon.

News Headline: “Yellowstone National Park registers 130 earthquakes in less than a week.”
Some might try to make something out of reports that earthquakes have increased by nearly 800 percent in two months at the Yellowstone Caldera, the eruptions of which can be violent enough to send a layer of ash six feet deep as far away as Chicago and which erupts every 600,000 or so years and last erupted 640,000 years ago.
But not QT.

Modern Education + the Criminal Mind =
A man fleeing police in Waterford, Mich., chose a paddle boat as his getaway vehicle.

B.D., a New York City reader, writes:
“I turned on the cable TV news after word of shots being fired on Capitol Hill. The news reader was saying her early reports might be based on ‘information that does not stand the test time.’ So why was she reporting it?”
Wait a minute.
You’re not one of those people who are always demanding that their news be accurate as well as hysterical, are you?

News Headline: “Is Voyager 1 inside an interstellar flux transfer event?”
Didn’t you see this one coming?

QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language:
+ Jim Kehoe, a Sydney, Australia, reader, writes:
“Is ‘ert’ the opposite of ‘inert’?”
Only in the Southern Hemisphere.
+ J.C., a Tucson, Ariz., reader, is wondering meanwhile about mattress-inflation instructions that tell him to “press” and then “depress” a button.
In other news, House Speaker John Boehner–
No. Enough news about him.
Too inert and depressing.

Write to QT at zaysmith.qt@gmail.com

QT appears Monday, Wednesday and Friday.

An open-and-shutdown case

News Headline: “Congressmen drinking while voting on government shutdown?”
Republicans are already on the hook for political hostage-taking, fraud, wanton disregard. . .
. . . and now conniving under the influence.
News Headline: “Sarah Palin won’t let ‘death panels’ die.”
But all this could go away with a plea of mental impairment.

News Headline: “Countdown to showdown: The Ted Cruz Show comes to a close.”
Witnesses said the suspect fled on foot.

News Headline: “Michele Bachmann excited about shutdown, likens subsidized health care to crack cocaine.”
In other news, Pope Francis continued to push the crystal meth of ending world hunger.

News Headline: “Government shutdown won’t shut down NSA spying.”
Or don’t you consider Big Brother essential personnel?

News Headline: “Sean Hannity’s shutdown advice for Republicans: ‘Hold the line.’ ”
Has it been 1,624 days since Sean Hannity promised he would undergo waterboarding to prove it isn’t torture?
Not that anyone is counting.

QT News Presented Without Comment:
Fox News site is referring to the shutdown as a “slimdown.”

News Headline: “George Clooney hopes shutdown ends soon.”
Experienced political analysts will wait to hear what Brad Pitt has to say.

QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language:
B.S., an Evanston, Ill., reader, regarding the “precipice” the U.S. government was on until it went over it,  writes:
“Are we now in a postcipice situation?”
Yes.
Which is what can happen whenever our politicians have a fit of peak.
A “scarp” is the same as an “escarpment,” by the way.
Looked it up in Cliff’s Notes.

Write to QT at zaysmith.qt@gmail.com

QT appears Monday, Wednesday and Friday.