License to steal? Renewed

QT News Presented Without Comment:
The Justice Department notified Bank of America it faces “monetary penalties” for $100 million in alleged fraud as a Florida man was sentenced to eight years in federal prison for burglarizing banks of loose cash in teller drawers.

News Item: “Supercomputer simulates one second of brain activity.”
The scientists knew it was a success when the computer asked to see President Obama’s birth certificate.

News Item: ” . . potential asteroid strike. . . . only a one in 20,000 chance that a truly dangerous one will hit Earth in a year’s time. . . . ”
In other news, Asteroid 2013 PJ10 was discovered yesterday,  two days after it crossed the moon’s orbit.
But it was only about the size of the one that laid waste to more than 800 square miles of Russia in 1908.
Hardly worth noticing.

News Headline: “Climate change could spark global violence.”
Quick. Name anything that hasn’t or couldn’t.

News Headline: “How to replace a kitchen faucet with Sean Buino.”
Paul St. Onge, an Elmhurst, Ill., reader, says it might be easier to use another faucet.

We Have Seen the Present, and It Does Not Work:
The U.S. Consumer Products Safety Commission now classifies grass as an “inappropriate” playing surface for children.

 

News Headline: “Congress’ Iran policy: short-sighted and irrational.”
We can only admire Congress for its consistency from policy to policy.

QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language:
News Headline: “SeaWorld vets perform first-ever shark C-section.”
News Headline: “Scientists serving up first-ever hamburger grown from stem cells of cattle.”
J.D., a Toronto reader, writes:
“You know what they say. There’s a first-ever time for everything.”
And it is never “firstly,” “secondly” and “thirdly,” but always “first,” “second” and “third.”
And so forthly.

Write to QT at zaysmith.qt@gmail.com

QT appears Monday, Wednesday and Friday.

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