From the annals of the Federal Department of Police Squad


News Headline: “Jeff Session’s war on pot goes to court, attorney general will fight 12-year-old with epilepsy.”
And isn’t it about time someone cracked down on 12-year-olds with epilepsy?

Location, location, location

News Headline: “New Manhattan homeless shelter planned near ‘Billionaires’ Row.’ ”
The shelter’s building stands back-to-back with New York City’s most expensive apartment building.
Sometimes life is fair.

From the QT Archive of Knowledge

+ Four out of 10 murders are perfect crimes.
+ Swan tastes like goose.

A republic, if you can keep it


News Headline: “Foreign spies could be manipulating Trump through Fox News.”
News Headline: “FBI investigating whether Russian money went to NRA to help Trump.”
Nobody knew undermining the American way of life could be so complicated.

QT Planetary Defense Coordination Office


Asteroid
2018 BD, which was discovered today, is passing between Earth and the moon as you read this.
Which isn’t to confuse it with Asteroid 2018 BC, which was discovered today, also.
It won’t pass between Earth and the moon until tomorrow.
Best we can tell.

Can Valentine’s Day be less than a month away?


News Headline: “Porn star said she had a yearlong affair with Trump.”
Or maybe it just seemed yearlong.

QT trickle-on economics update


News Headline: “California volunteers share food with homeless, get arrested by police.”
What would Jesus do?
Up to six months in El Cajon, Calif.

GovernMania MMXVIII


News Headline: “How low Trump can go?”
News Headline: “Trump’s presidency sinks below rock bottom.”
Asked and answered.

This just in. . . .


News Headline: “AI to ‘sink world into unemployed despair in hellish dystopia.’ ” 
Nobody said AI couldn’t use a little tweaking.

Frontiers of science


News Headline: “Physicists observe particles acting coherently as they undergo phase transitions.”
K.R., a Baltimore reader, wonders, when, oh when, just for a moment, President Trump and the Republicans might act like particles undergoing phase transitions.

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