News Headline: “Woman can’t hear men when they talk because of rare medical condition.”
That’s her story, and she’s sticking to it.”

News Headline: “A look back at the deadliest mass shootings in 2018.”
News Headline: “Virginia mother charged after 1 child shoots another.”
Can it be only two days until National Gun Appreciation Day?

News Headline: “Trump’s probably not going anywhere. Get over it.”
News Headline: “Magma under Yellowstone supervolcano ‘rising.’ ”
Finally, a solution.

News Headline: “Antarctic ice melting 6 times faster than in the ’80s.”
For those interested in the most important news story this week that no one is paying attention to.

News Headline: “Here are the ways nature could wipe out humanity.”
Sometimes a headline writer just runs out of patience.

News Headline: “Sean Hannity: Is the Fox News star overpaid or underpaid?”
Depends on the going rate for a soul these days.
And has it really been 4,458 days since Hannity promised he would undergo waterboarding to prove it isn’t torture?
Not that anyone is counting.

News Headline: “Large Hadron Collider hasn’t created any black holes, despite early fears.”
News Headline: “Cern plans even larger hadron collider.”
If at first you don’t succeed. . . .

News Headline: “Aides say Trump repeatedly pushed to withdraw U.S. from NATO.”
News Headline: “Fox news analyst calls for disbanding FBI.”
OK. Let’s see.
What would be first on Vladimir Putin’s wish list?
And the FBI wouldn’t be far behind.

News Headline: “Texas woman cruises Walmart parking lot on motorized scooter sipping wine from Pringles can.”
As reasonable a response as any to the news of the day.

News Headline: “Trump’s Russia cover-up by the numbers–101 contacts with Russian-linked operatives.”
Or are you one of those conspiracy theorists who can’t grasp 101 simple coincidences?