This just in. . . .


News Headline:
Chris Christie portrait to cost taxpayers $85,000, more than 3 past N.J. governors combined.”
Some might be tempted to say this is because a Chris Christie portrait will require as much paint as the last three governors combined.
But not QT.

A republic, if you can keep it


N
ews Headline:
“Evidence suggests the GOP bought at least 17 anti-James Comey domains.”
But the Russians don’t seem to have been involved.
Well. That we’re aware of.
Yet.

GovernMania MMXVIII


News Headline: “VP Mike Pence reaffirms commitment to return to the moon and beyond.”
K.W., a Denver reader, writes:
“Promises, promises.”

WRITE TO QT:  qt@zaysmith.com

From the QT Archive of Knowledge

+ France is the size of Texas.
+ South America is east of Chicago

Among other sins. . . .


News Headline: “White evangelical support for Trump at all-time high.”
Proverbs 6:32:
“But whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul.”
Not to mention they that endorseth it.

From the QT police blotter

News Headline: “A man is in jail after assaulting another man with a watermelon.”
Dave Carr, an Owen Sound, Ontario, reader, regarding QT’s guess that it happened in a seedy part of town, followed by another reader’s noting it was a meloncholy story, writes:
“Time to rind up the usual suspects.”
Stop it.
Stop it now.

WRITE TO QT:  qt@zaysmith.com

In other news. . . .


News Headline: “. . . FedEx does X-ray some packages that travel through its system and has dog-sniffing teams that. . . .”
Your day may not be going well, but at least you aren’t part of a team that sniffs dogs.

The сияющий город upon a hill


News Headline:
“McConnell shuts down bipartisan effort to protect special counsel Mueller.”
For those keeping track of unindicted co-conspirators in the news.

From the QT news ticker


News Headline:
“Bathroom hand dryers spreading poop on your hands, study finds.”
News Headline: “More doo-doo found in park as search for serial pooper continues.”
Writing news headlines is easy.
Even a child can do it.

From the QT police blotter


News Headline:
“A man is in jail after assaulting another man with a watermelon.”
L.R., a Chicago reader, regarding QT’s guess that it happened in a seedy part of town, writes:
“Not a happy story. Almost meloncholy.”
Stop it.
Stop it now.

WRITE TO QT:  qt@zaysmith.com