News Headline: “Man sets fire to toilet paper in casino, starts throwing punches.”
K.W., a Denver reader, suggests this is as reasonable a response as any to the news of the day.

WRITE TO QT:  zaysmith.qt@gmail.com

News Headline: “Trump reportedly wants his signature on aid checks.”
Still no mention of signing the death certificates, too.

News Headline: “Trump is playing chess with Congress and the Constitution.”
Well.
More like Chutes and Ladders.
Or maybe Candy Land.
But these are the times we live in.

News Headline: “Trump talks himself up as ‘wartime president’ to lead America through a crisis.”
News Headline: “DOJ wants to suspend certain constiutional rights during COVID-19 emergency.”
Wag the virus. . . .

News Headline: “Study demonstrates gapless ground state in an archetypal quantum kagome.”
Tell us something we don’t know.

News Headline: “Americans should not have to choose between their health and a democracy.”
No.
Donald Trump can do better than that.
He is perfectly capable of avoiding both.

News Headline: “Last of Dow’s gains during Trump presidency disappear.”
So it’s almost as if Donald Trump never happened.
Stay with that thought.

News Headline: “Cow that has evaded police since January ‘faster than it looks.’ ”
. . . announced a police spokesman, very quietly.

News Headline: “Alabama pastor invites people infected with coronavirus into church for ‘faith healing.’ ”
So the trick is to find a few jails.
And help a few pastors shelter in place.

News Headline: “Shelter-in-place order possible for New York City.”
We only guess how many thousands have no shelters in place on the streets of
New York City.
But we can just just tell them:
Keep moving.